


The Playoffs, The Championship, The Question(s)

by ikkiM



Series: Stannis Baratheon, Fantasy Football League Commissioner [9]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Complete crack, F/M, Fantasy Football, Gen, Green Plaid Shirt, M/M, just for fun, loverboning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-26
Updated: 2015-01-30
Packaged: 2018-03-09 03:04:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 17,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3233912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ikkiM/pseuds/ikkiM
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Final Installment.  Who will win The Iron Throne?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Week 15, Monday.

**Author's Note:**

> All right. This is it. The final installment. It's set to end on Friday as long as I can get everything posted.
> 
> I love each and every comment, positive and negative. I love each and every interaction. I have loved writing this. 
> 
> You bring joy to my days.
> 
> Thank you.

**Monday**

WarriorMaiden: Jaime wants to turn one of his spare rooms into a trophy room.  
LadyRose: That was the big question he wanted to ask you?  
WarriorMaiden: He didn’t say it was a big question. I just made a big deal out of it.  
LadyRose: Love is in the air, you know.  
WarriorMaiden: Shut up. Anyway. Since we won that volleyball tournament, we got a trophy. He wants to have a trophy room.  
LadyRose: You never said, how was the hot hot sex on the beach?  
WarriorMaiden: …  
WarriorMaiden: We didn’t. On the beach.  
WarriorMaiden: Sand gets in places, Marg.  
WarriorMaiden: Uncomfortable places.  
LadyRose: Oh...you know, I’ve never thought about that.

一

URallAssholes: u didn’t?  
Kingslayer: I asked her if she wanted to remodel my place or get a place of our own.  
URallAssholes: not a proposal  
Kingslayer: I told you, I’m working on a plan.  
URallAssholes: as long as its b4 championship sunday

一

SexViper: I have no love for the Laneesters.  
WarriorMaiden: I can understand why you don’t like Tywin. He’s somewhat horrifying.  
SexViper: So you have met him, my statuesque woman?  
WarriorMaiden: We had dinner a few weeks ago, Tywin, Olenna, Tyrion, Margaery, Jaime.  
SexViper: How was it to share a meal with such a man?  
WarriorMaiden: He kept asking about my family, bloodlines, my hips...  
SexViper: Tyween Lanneester is a man obsessed with dynasty and he will do anything to secure it.  
WarriorMaiden: I think he hates me.  
SexViper: Consider it a compliment.  
SexViper: Let us discuss your hips, goddess Brienne.

一

Needler: hey doran  
LimpingLord: Arya.  
Needler: is your bro around?  
LimpingLord: He is engaging in various conversations, I am sure.  
Needler: well, u might b able 2 help  
LimpingLord: I suppose can try. Is this for your homework?  
Needler: no i get help online  
LimpingLord: You aren't plagiarizing the work of another, are you?  
Needler: nah, stannis helps w my homework  
LimpingLord: Of course he does. What would you need from me?  
Needler: hickeys  
LimpingLord: Pardon me?  
Needler: if u get a hickey, whats the best way 2 cover it up  
LimpingLord : ... I really ... I have no idea.  
Needler: ur married  
LimpingLord: Nominally.  
Needler: whats that mean?  
LimpingLord: It means my wife has been living back home for the last dozen years.  
Needler: sux!  
LimpingLord: Such is life.  
Needler: but no hickeys? b4 she left?  
LimpingLord: Gods, no. It takes too much effort. Who has the time or energy to sit around sucking on body parts?  
Needler: me n gendry  
LimpingLord: Ah, youth.  
Needler: so now i got a hickey n don't know what 2 do  
LimpingLord: *sigh* You can say you burned yourself on a curling iron. I've heard.  
Needler: i dont use that stuff. can i say it was a soldering iron?  
LimpingLord: I suppose that's the only thing that makes logical sense.

一

LadyRose: Has he even said “I love you” yet?  
URallAssholes: dunno, id assume so?  
LadyRose: Should we assume anything with these two? She hasn’t said it.  
URallAssholes: so probs not…  
LadyRose: I mean...do you assume?  
URallAssholes: nah, when I’m ready i just say it  
LadyRose: Oh.  
URallAssholes: almost ready  
LadyRose: Good.

一

UKnowUWantMe: hey..jeyne  
MrsYoungWolf: Hey Loras. My boobs are killing me.  
UKnowUWantMe: uh...gross  
MrsYoungWolf: And I’m exhausted. Cell-splitting is kicking my ass.  
UKnowUWantMe: …  
MrsYoungWolf: I’m so excited though. Want to talk doulas?  
UKnowUWantMe: wtf is that?  
MrsYoungWolf: Like a birthing coach who helps talk you through the pain of child birth.  
UKnowUWantMe: drugs  
MrsYoungWolf: No, drugs during labor are bad for the baby. Want to see the statistics I found on the wholly holistic natural birth website?  
UKnowUWantMe: mebbe later, u were at jaime’s place, rght?  
MrsYoungWolf: Yes, it was so nice of him to let me use his place to cook and I won. I won!  
UKnowUWantMe: did u, uh, check out his bathroom?  
MrsYoungWolf: It’s huge! All chrome and mirrors and glass.  
UKnowUWantMe: did u see what conditioner he uses?  
MrsYoungWolf: Funny that. I mean, Jaime has such great hair, I thought I’d look.  
MrsYoungWolf: Don’t tell though.  
UKnowUWantMe: i wont, but what conditioner was it?  
MrsYoungWolf: Suave, that cheap stuff.  
UKnowUWantMe: THAT'S WHAT HE USES?  
MrsYoungWolf: I was surprised too!  
UKnowUWantMe: THAT'S WHAT JAIME LANNISTER USES? RU SURE?  
MrsYoungWolf: Shampoo and conditioner.  
UKnowUWantMe: suave??? conditioner from the drugstore?????  
UKnowUWantMe: icant even  
MrsYoungWolf: I’m going to go talk pregnancy with Ell.

[MrsYoungWolf has left the conversation.]  
[UKnowUWantMe has invited BeardedStag to the conversation.]  
[BeardedStag has joined the conversation.]

BeardedStag: Sup babe?  
UKnowUWantMe: i need u  
BeardedStag: Oh, should I get on Skype?  
UKnowUWantMe: in person!  
BeardedStag: XD  
UKnowUWantMe: not like that. come get me at work. i can't drive. i can't see thru my tears.  
BeardedStag: Be there in a sec??

一

Kingslayer: You know what Peck found in the backseat of my car today?  
WarriorMaiden: What was Peck doing in the backseat?  
Kingslayer: Not what we were doing…

[SharkReek has joined the conversation.]

SharkReek: I whip my tits back and forth  
I whip my tits back and forth  
I whip my tits back and forth  
I whip my tits back and forth  
WarriorMaiden: Oh GODS. Did he find my missing underwear?  
SharkReek: u goin commando?  
Kingslayer: Theon, are you growing your own breasts so you can whip them back and forth?  
WarriorMaiden: Is it time for that sex change you’ve been wanting?  
SharkReek: fuk u

[SharkReek has left the conversation.]

Kingslayer: Now about your panties. They aren’t missing if they’ve been found.  
WarriorMaiden: Oh gods oh gods oh gods.  
Kingslayer: I have them in my pocket right now.  
WarriorMaiden: Just just...throw them away.  
Kingslayer: We can go shopping tonight and buy new ones.  
WarriorMaiden: Are you trying to underwear shop with me because I usually do that with Margaery?  
Kingslayer: No, that’s a side bonus. But actually, I already bought you some new ones.  
WarriorMaiden: Jaime…  
WarriorMaiden: Do they say “Property of Jaime Lannister” on the butt?  
Kingslayer: NO!  
Kingslayer: They say “Jaime’s” on the front.  
WarriorMaiden: *rolls eyes*  
Kingslayer: Hey. I’m being less clingy. Maybe these will make you worry less.  
WarriorMaiden: ...Okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank Vana for the Arya consulting Doran and helping with the Jaime's conditioner reveal. She rocks.


	2. Week 15, Tuesday.

**Tuesday**

UKnowUWantMe: i just hate body hair  
LadyRose: You like Renly’s beard.  
UKnowUWantMe: this is different, i don’t want 2 grow my own  
LadyRose: Maybe it will detract from your head.  
UKnowUWantMe: fuck u, marg

一

WarriorMaiden: Seriously, you idiot?  
Kingslayer: It’s my playoff beard. I can’t shave it. No team owner shaves during the playoffs.  
WarriorMaiden: That’s stupid. I’m still going to shave my legs.  
Kingslayer: It’s bad luck.  
WarriorMaiden: That’s ridiculous. You don’t need a beard to win.  
Kingslayer: You like it.  
WarriorMaiden: I do not.  
Kingslayer: You think my beard is sexy.  
WarriorMaiden: I think your beard is scratchy.  
Kingslayer: You liked it when I rubbed it all over your belly, wench.  
WarriorMaiden: I did NOT.  
Kingslayer: That’s why you screamed and giggled.  
WarriorMaiden: I do not giggle.  
Kingslayer: No. You really don’t. It’s more like a choking snorty noise.

[SharkReek has joined the conversation.]

SharkReek: (Because your tits) your tits  
Are on my list  
(Because your tits) your tits  
Are on my list  
Because your tits are on my list  
Of the best things in life  
Kingslayer: Bit like the sound of ducks mating. I once had a cousin who sounded like that when he snored. Never could remember that guy’s name.  
SharkReek: duck fucking? u watching discovery channel?  
Kingslayer: Yes, why don't you go watch animals having sex. Since you can't find a woman to get near you.  
SharkReek: FUK U

[SharkReek has left the conversation.]

WarriorMaiden: Should we be nicer to him?  
Kingslayer: ...  
WarriorMaiden: You're right, no, we shouldn't.  
Kingslayer: I was nice to you, last night. With my beard.  
WarriorMaiden: Nice? My stomach has beard burn on it.  
Kingslayer: Serves you right for telling me only your feet are ticklish.  
WarriorMaiden: So it’s my fault?  
Kingslayer: You threw down the gauntlet, I picked it up.  
WarriorMaiden: You just like trying to wrestle me down.  
Kingslayer: And succeeding.  
WarriorMaiden: Rarely.  
Kingslayer: I’m thinking about wrestling you down tonight.  
WarriorMaiden: You’ve already proven my stomach is ticklish. What now?  
Kingslayer: Was thinking about making sure you get beard burn on your thighs.  
WarriorMaiden: Gods Jaime!  
Kingslayer: Yep, that’s exactly what you’re going to be screaming tonight.

一

LadyRose: Global topic of they day. Most interesting dream.  
FingerfewerHand: I once dreamed I saw a woman give birth to a smoke baby.  
WardenWolf: i dreamed i got my head cut off 4 telling a lie  
SexViper: I dream of subtley hitting on Tyween Lanneester.  
BAMFLannister: *shudder*  
KissedByFire: I dreamed of trying to kill Jon.  
IKnowALittleSomething: heh, i dreamed of being stabbed a lot  
Needler: i dreamed of being able 2 change n2 different people  
SharkKing: i dreamed of having a real son  
SharkReek: u have me  
SharkKing: exactly  
IronIslandsBattleBabe: I dreamed of getting married but I wasn’t even at the ceremony.  
ChampionRower: i dreamed of rowing  
YoungWolf: i dreamed of going 2 a wedding at walders and being murdered  
FertileNonagenarian: heh, i dreamed i had no kids!  
RedHeadedMother: I dreamed I was out to dinner with Roose and he murdered me.  
MrsYoungWolf: I dreamed I didn’t exist and Robb was married to some Florence Nightingale chick named Talisa.  
LadyRose: I dreamed I kept getting married but my husbands kept dying.  
iluvgilly: i dreamed i killed a zombie  
BeenThereDoneThatQueen: I dreamed I framed someone for murder.  
PerfectPrincess: i had a creepy ship dream about petyr baelish  
SexontheSand: I dreamed I was at a feast where I was given my enemy’s head on a platter.  
LegitmizeThisBitches: i dreamed of writing letters on pink paper  
TheLastDragon: i dreamed of getitng a golden crown but it killed me  
KellyCsBear: I dreamed of being the father of dragons.  
StutteringSquire: I d-dreamed Br-brienne saved m-m-me.  
BeardedStag: I dreamed Stannis tried to kill me.  
Fingerfewerhand: Renly…  
CommissionerByRight: I dreamed I was born in salt and smoke and carried a sword named Lightbringer and I saved the North from an invasion of the wildlings.  
CommissionerByRight: That was a run-on sentence.  
FingerfewerHand: But appropriate.  
UKnowUWantMe: i dreamed i lost renly, went all crazy and killed people  
BeardedStag: Baby…  
UKnowUWantMe: it ws awful  
PinkISPretty: i always dream of roosie  
FlayMaster: …  
LegitimizeThisBitches: ew  
FlayMaster: I dreamed of being the ruler of the North.  
BAMFLannister: I dreamed of having grandchildren.  
Evenstar: As have I.  
URallAssholes: i dreamed of being the god of tits and wine  
SharkReek: mmmmm..tits  
SharkReek: i dreamed something weird abt yarsha...  
IronIslandsBattleBabe: My turn to shudder.  
Unknown: A man dreams of many faces.  
HyleontheHunt: i dreamed of running a ff team  
Kingslayer: Who invited that asshole?  
HyleontheHunt: it was a global invite!  
Kingslayer: Podrick?!?  
StutteringSquire: O-o-on it, S-sir.

[StutteringSquire has kicked HyleontheHunt from the conversation.]  
[StutteringSquire has banned HyleontheHunt from the conversation.]

WarriorMaiden: Thanks, Pod.  
StutteringSquire: A-anytime.  
SexViper: Sweet Sansa, have you met young Podrick?  
PerfectPrincess: u can ban people?  
StutteringSquire: *nods*  
PerfectPrincess: thats totes kewl!  
LadyRose: Brienne, what do you dream of?  
WarriorMaiden: I dreamed once of biting off my tongue and someone trying to make me choose between the sword Jaime gave me and a rope and I chose the rope but then it all got weird and there was a red zombie that looked like Catelyn trying to kill Pod and I screamed “Sword.”  
StutteringSquire: !  
Kingslayer: That’s not what you usually say in your dreams.  
WarriorMaiden: Shut up.  
WarriorMaiden: Hey, you haven't answered, what did you dream of, idiot?  
Kingslayer: Oh, wench.  
Kingslayer: I dreamed of you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to get in that line. Thanks to whoever prompted the weird dream idea!


	3. Week 15, Wednesday.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the ladies complain and get advice.

**Wednesday**

RedHeadedMother: You promise to keep this in confidence?  
SexViper: Of course, fiery Catalyn.  
RedHeadedMother: It's just that Ned sometimes treats me like I'm his mother. He asks permission to do things. He's a grown man. He doesn't need my permission.  
SexViper: How does that make you feel?  
RedHeadedMother: ...like his mother. Old, unappealing. Like I'm not someone he'd want to be with.  
RedHeadedMother: Sexually.  
SexViper: And do you treat him like a child?  
RedHeadedMother: I guess...sometimes? Since he acts like one.  
SexViper: Perhaps you should treat him more like a man. Go to him for advice. Ask him his thoughts.  
RedHeadedMother: Ned isn't the best decisionmaker. You think that will help?  
SexViper: And no longer lay out his clothes in the morning.

一

WarriorMaiden: I think I’d move in with Jaime if he asked.  
LadyRose: Why don’t you suggest it?  
WarriorMaiden: Seriously Marg?  
LadyRose: Why do I bother to suggest these things?  
WarriorMaiden: He kind of asked once, but then we broke up.  
LadyRose: So, you know he wants to.  
WarriorMaiden: He hasn’t mentioned it since.  
LadyRose: Don’t you spend most nights there?  
WarriorMaiden: Well, yeah. But I still keep most of my stuff at my place.  
LadyRose: Has he given you a drawer?  
WarriorMaiden: A what?  
LadyRose: Has he cleaned out a drawer at his place for your clothes and things?  
WarriorMaiden: Oh, uhm, he wanted to go furniture shopping this weekend and have me pick out stuff.  
LadyRose: *rolls eyes*  
WarriorMaiden: It’s not like that. I just don’t want to assume or impose.  
LadyRose: So why don’t you suggest it?  
WarriorMaiden: What if he says No?  
LadyRose: Does he say No to anything you ask him to do?  
WarriorMaiden: He never shuts up when I ask him to.

一

MrsYoungWolf: All he does is play video games.  
MrsYoungWolf: And watch Grey's Anatomy.  
SexViper: And what is it that you do while he plays these games of video?  
MrsYoungWolf: Well, I fixed the toilet handle on my own even though he said I had pregnancy brain.  
SexViper: The repair of the home is important. A strong foundation. What is this pregnancy brain?  
MrsYoungWolf: When a woman who is pregnant gets all confused and stupid and can’t make decisions. I saw it on a sitcom.  
SexViper: What is this seetuation comedy? Telling a woman that she is not intelligent while she creates life? Is this show written only by men? Stupid men?  
MrsYoungWolf: Uhm...I don’t know. It went off the air.  
SexViper: It should be banned! Never to be viewed by anyone!  
SexViper: But what else is it that you do, Sweet Jeyne?  
MrsYoungWolf: I read a lot of baby books. What to Expect When You're Expecting. Name books.  
SexViper: And what did you do together before?  
MrsYoungWolf: Go out, dancing, movies, ice skate.  
SexViper: And why do you not do those things now?  
MrsYoungWolf: We stopped when I needed to take my temperature and check my mucus.  
SexViper: Do again those things that you enjoy. He will be the man you began to love.  
MrsYoungWolf: You think?  
SexViper: And never discuss mucus with him.

一

YoungWolf: dude, dragon age  
KellyCsBear: You recommend it?  
YoungWolf: u want a dragon game its the 1, i could spend hours on it  
iluvgilly: oh and how IS jeyne doing?  
YoungWolf: at dragon age?

一

samissosweet: every1 else was talking 2 u, so i thought I would 2!  
SexViper: You have no questions and no complaints?  
samissosweet: about what?

一

WardenWolf: i can't keep her n line no matter what i do. she won't study except on skype yet she gets good grades. i dont even kno what shes doing on the computer half the time  
Evenstar: Tried getting her to the gym? Brienne had to burn off all that excess energy.  
WardenWolf: she has no interest in exercise, yet she eats like a horse and doesn't put on a pound  
WardenWolf: it's always been a bone of contention btw her and sansa  
Evenstar: I remember when Brie was a baby. First word she says is "ball"! And that was the only thing she said for months. Ran around, climbed on everything.  
WardenWolf: we had to replace the dining room chandelier because arya wanted 2 swing from it.  
Evenstar: I had to put padlocks on the windows because Brie would try to climb out of them and onto the roof.  
WardenWolf: arya used 2 swordfight her brothers with the fireplace pokers. once she stabbed Robb so bad he had 2 get a tetanus shot.  
Evenstar: Brienne rode one of our horses so far away when she was five that she got lost and a neighbor had to bring her back late at night. She wasn't crying, but I was.  
WardenWolf: running away was the worst. arya decided once that she was going 2 run away to bear island and she got about 10 miles before we found her, then she tried 2 run away when we went 2 put her in the car. robb and jon chased her down.  
Evenstar: Brie used to hide, but she was always so tall I could see her little yellow head.  
WardenWolf: arya tried 2 hide but she could never keep still long enough 4 anyone 2 notice she was gone.  
Evenstar: We're lucky men, Stark.  
WardenWolf: we are

一

KissedByFire: It's not that he's dumb.  
SexViper: Of course not.  
KissedByFire: And I like making the decisions.  
SexViper: You do.  
KissedByFire: Most of the time.  
SexViper: But not always?  
KissedByFire: A woman likes variety, you know.  
SexViper: I know, oh yes, I know Egreet.  
SexViper: And do you make him feel that he is clever? That he has knowledge that you do not?  
KissedByFire: We stopped playing Risk because he always wins.  
SexViper: Perhaps he would like to think he does know something.

一

BeardedStag: What are you doing at work today babe?  
UKnowUWantMe: nothin the usual  
UKnowUWantMe: drinking my latte right now  
BeardedStag: How many of those today?  
UKnowUWantMe: maybe 4?  
BeardedStag: That's too many. You're gonna be up all night.  
UKnowUWantMe: i hope so  
BeardedStag: Oh really?  
UKnowUWantMe: ya well you know its been a little while. too long  
BeardedStag: I did you last night!  
UKnowUWantMe: that's what i said, 2 long  
BeardedStag: :)  
UKnowUWantMe: why you got that shit-eating grin on  
BeardedStag: You called me long.  
UKnowUWantMe: long and pretty  
BeardedStag: Stop it. I have a meeting with Stannis soon.  
UKnowUWantMe: u don't want me to stop it  
BeardedStag: I can skip...Skype?  
UKnowUWantMe: alrdy there

一

PerfectPrincess: why do u type that way?  
StutteringSquire: I-i- don't know. N-none of my keyboards w-work  
PerfectPrincess: thats funny  
StutteringSquire: W-what's s-so funny?  
PerfectPrincess: u know what they say when guys' computers r sticky  
StutteringSquire: D:  
StutteringSquire: N-n-n-no!  
PerfectPrincess: try to type more slowly  
StutteringSquire: I-i-don't type f-f-ast.  
PerfectPrincess: think of something calming. lavender, shopping, flower crowns  
StutteringSquire: *faraway smile*  
PerfectPrincess: see? it worked  
StutteringSquire: I-it ... n-no i guess n-not.  
PerfectPrincess: try doing a feeling again  
StutteringSquire: *tips hat, bows*  
PerfectPrincess: see?!  
StutteringSquire: *sheepish grin*  
PerfectPrincess: try again  
StutteringSquire: O-o-kay.  
PerfectPrincess: so weird  
StutteringSquire: *nods*

一

WarriorMaiden: Hey.  
Kingslayer: Wench?  
WarriorMaiden: I was wondering, are we having dinner tonight?  
Kingslayer: Why, Brienne Tarth, are you asking me on a date?  
WarriorMaiden: Shut up, idiot.  
Kingslayer: No, go ahead. Ask.  
WarriorMaiden: I was just was wondering if we were having dinner tonight.  
WarriorMaiden: Together.  
Kingslayer: Let me have Peck check my schedule.  
WarriorMaiden: You are such an ass.  
Kingslayer: I had penciled in to wash my hair, but seeing as it’s you, I think dinner would be acceptable. Are we going out or cooking in?  
WarriorMaiden: What would you prefer?  
Kingslayer: No no no, you’re asking me out. You plan it.  
WarriorMaiden: Wait, when you ask me out, you always make me choose.  
Kingslayer: I give you options.  
WarriorMaiden: Fine, we can go out for Dothraki barbeque or stay in and make pizza.  
Kingslayer: I do like a good Dothraki barbeque, but the temptation of you in that Kiss the Cook apron is too much. Pizza it is. And what’s for dessert?  
WarriorMaiden: I can pick up some slice and bake cookies?  
Kingslayer: Oh, is that the premade cookie dough you can just eat raw?

[SharkReek has joined the conversation.]

SharkReek: I'm bringing titties back  
Them other nipples don't know how to act  
I think it's special, what's behind your back?  
So turn around and bras pick up the slack  
WarriorMaiden: You eat raw cookie dough?  
SharkReek: raw cookie dough rulz  
Kingslayer: I hate to agree with Theon, now get out Reek.  
SharkReek: now im hungry dude, g2g get cookie

[SharkReek has left the conversation.]

WarriorMaiden: I’ll pick up two.  
WarriorMaiden: Jaime…  
Kingslayer: Wench?  
WarriorMaiden: I was thinking I could bring a few more things over, maybe some shoes, just to have them handy.  
Kingslayer: Your pink chucks?  
WarriorMaiden: Those are my favorites.  
Kingslayer: I know.  
WarriorMaiden: You want me to leave them at your place?  
Kingslayer: I do. If that’s what you want.  
WarriorMaiden: ...Okay. I do. Want to.  
WarriorMaiden: If it’s okay with you. I do.  
Kingslayer: I like the sound of that, wench. Call me and say it.  
WarriorMaiden: Whatever, Jaime.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Oberyn bits stem from a suggestion from the wonderful MotherofFirkins and Vana wrote the Ned and Selwyn parenting discussion and most of the Sansa/Pod. Love huh. OH OH OH and the Renly/Loras!
> 
> Thank you ladies.


	4. Week 15, Thursday.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Oberyn dispenses more advice and Brienne leaves Jaime speechless.

**Thursday**

SexViper: Gentlemen. We should talk.  
WardenWolf: we talk everyday  
SexViper: I have misspoken. Gentlemen. You should listen.  
BAMFLannister: Why should I listen to a Dornishman?  
WardenWolf: i want 2 play some game-of-clicks.com  
YoungWolf: whats that?  
IKnowALittleSomething: its totally cool, u have 2 try it  
iluvgilly: it is a complete waste of time  
Kingslayer: Get on with it, Martell. I have things to do today.  
URallAssholes: isn’t brienne n a meeting?  
SexViper: I wish to speak with you. Well, some of you. It is about your lovely women.  
Kingslayer: Stay away from Brienne, Fartell, or I will destroy you.  
WardenWolf: cat need somethin from the store?  
SexViper: You, Neddard, you do not listen to the fiery Catalyn. You treat her as wife and as mother, but not as woman.  
SexViper: You deny her passionate side. Her very passionate side, her longings and needs.  
YoungWolf: not thinkin bout mom's needs  
YoungWolf: *barf*  
SexViper: You, young Robb, your wife carries life within her. She spends her energy nurturing and creating. She is magic. You spend your time playing the video games.  
SexViper: You should care for her. Take care of those things around the house to make her life easier while her body comforts your child. And there is no such thing as pregnancy brain. She is an intelligent woman worthy of your time and respect. Treat her as such.  
IKnowALittleSomething: heh, ur bad husbands  
SexViper: And you, Short Snow. You have stopped thinking on your own and let the delicious ginger Egreet think for you. Make a decision. Arrange a date of all of her favorite things.  
BAMFLannister: This is tedious.  
SexViper: Not as tedious as ignoring the woman in your bed while you read silly work reports.  
BAMFLannister: Market analysis is not tedious.  
SexViper: When a woman is in your bed and wants you, the work, it can wait.  
URallAssholes: *barf*  
iluvgilly: have i been a bad bf?  
SexViper: No, Sam. You have not. You treat Gilly with kindness and respect and caring.  
iluvgilly: :)  
Kingslayer: I am a great boyfriend.  
SexViper: Ah, but then why is it that the goddess Brienne does not wish you to be with her?  
Kingslayer: Shut up, she does too.  
SexViper: She is looking to explore, to step outside the realm of the normal.  
BAMFLannister: I sincerely doubt that.  
Kingslayer: She can be as abnormal as she wants. With me.  
URallAssholes: hes just trying 2 get n ur head so u screw up the lineup bro  
BAMFLannister: Lannisters will not lose to Martells.  
SexViper: I would not be so sure, Tyween.  
YoungWolf: whut abt tyrion, does he suck as a bf 2?  
SexViper: He and the lovely Margaery are discreet about their attachment.  
URallAssholes: ‘zactly

一

Kingslayer: ...So…  
WarriorMaiden: So what?  
Kingslayer: Have you been complaining about me to that jackass Hornishman?  
WarriorMaiden: What? No. I mean, we talked about your father. But that was it.  
Kingslayer: …  
WarriorMaiden: What?  
Kingslayer: I’m working very hard at being okay with you having conversation with that yellow-robed sleazebag.  
WarriorMaiden: *rolls eyes*  
Kingslayer: Changing the subject before I get jealous, want to use lunch to work off that cookie dough from last night?

[SharkReek has joined the conversation.]

SharkReek: You are so tittiful  
To me  
You are so tittiful  
To me  
Can't you see  
You're every boob I hoped for  
You're every boob I need  
You are so tittiful  
To me  
WarriorMaiden: Gods Jaime! We...this morning…  
SharkReek: u this morning what?  
Kingslayer: Get lost.  
SharkReek: deets!  
WarriorMaiden: Theon, I hear Jon has a new youporn account.  
SharkReek: fukker needs 2 share

[SharkReek has left the conversation.]

WarriorMaiden: Jaime, we can’t at lunch...I mean, we can’t. After Peck found..  
Kingslayer: You filthy wench. I was suggesting we go play handball at my club, but your mind is in the gutter, isn’t it?  
WarriorMaiden: You. You. Shut up.  
Kingslayer: Make me.  
WarriorMaiden: I’ll just kick your ass.  
Kingslayer: Bring it.  
WarriorMaiden: It’s on.  
Kingslayer: Brienne?  
WarriorMaiden: Jaime?  
Kingslayer: I actually was going to suggest car sex.  
WarriorMaiden: I know.  
Kingslayer: We know each other too well.

一

BeenThereDoneThatQueen: Margaery.  
LadyRose: Gran?  
BeenThereDoneThatQueen: You and Tyrion?  
LadyRose: ...yes?  
BeenThereDoneThatQueen: Just checking the status.  
LadyRose: It’s good. Solid. I mean, I don’t want to rush into anything.  
BeenThereDoneThatQueen: So, no marriage?  
LadyRose: That’s not even on my radar.  
BeenThereDoneThatQueen: Good.  
LadyRose: What?  
BeenThereDoneThatQueen: I have long term bet with Robert Baratheon that Jaime will get married before Tyrion.  
LadyRose: You bet with Robert? I haven’t seen HuntingBore on in...forever.  
BeenThereDoneThatQueen: I have bets with everyone Margaery. It keeps me on my toes.  
BeenThereDoneThatQueen: I also have a bet with your father that Robert will die from drowning in his own vomit after being poisoned by his wife.  
LadyRose: Grandmother!  
BeenThereDoneThatQueen: Margaery?  
LadyRose: I can’t believe Father was dumb enough to take a sucker bet like that.

一

WardenWolf: u know i think ur hot and sexy  
RedHeadedMother: Ned? Are you apologizing for something?  
WardenWolf: nope, just saying ur the hottest woman i know.  
RedHeadedMother: You didn’t pull the weather stripping off the door? Or use my good stock pot as an oil pan?  
WardenWolf: i booked a place for dinner, torrenhal hotel  
WardenWolf: got a room 2  
RedHeadedMother: Eddard Wayne Stark?  
WardenWolf: remember what we did back in that hotel in KL?  
RedHeadedMother: Do you think your knee can handle it?  
WardenWolf: oh, I can handle you, cat, i can handle u  
RedHeadedMother: Ned.. :)

一

Kingslayer: I won.  
WarriorMaiden: You cheated.  
Kingslayer: I did not.  
WarriorMaiden: You kissed me.  
Kingslayer: I’m sorry. I thought we agreed I could kiss you whenever I want.  
WarriorMaiden: We agreed on more public displays of affection, within certain very specific limits. Not kissing in the middle of a lunchtime handball game! You just did it to win.  
Kingslayer: It was part of our deal. Less clingy, less worry, more kissing.  
WarriorMaiden: You kissed me so I’d miss the ball.  
Kingslayer: Wench, you were standing there in those sexy shorts with my name on your ass and your neck was right there, teasing me. You were going to miss anyway.  
WarriorMaiden: I was sweating and getting ready to go for my shot. I was not going to miss. Cheater.  
Kingslayer: I think you enjoyed it. I think you want me to do it again.  
WarriorMaiden: Shut up, idiot. How would you like it if I reach out and grabbed your...stuff to distract you?  
Kingslayer: …  
Kingslayer: Let’s play handball again tonight.

一

YoungWolf: i went 2 the grocery and i picked up the dry cleaning  
MrsYoungWolf: Thanks, Robb. I was thinking we could go ice skating.  
MrsYoungWolf: And then maybe, you could show me how to play Dragon Age.  
YoungWolf: great idea, ur smart, ull pick it up quick,and then we can talk baby names.  
MrsYoungWolf: :)

一

URallAssholes: u need 2 talk 2 her dad soon  
Kingslayer: Why are you so impatient about this? I have a plan.  
URallAssholes: ur plan might screw up mine  
Kingslayer: Godsdammit. I do not want to play spider solitaire.  
URallAssholes: thos popups are starting 2 be a bitch

一

IKnowALittleSomething: srsly?  
KissedByFire: Yeah. I was thinking you're so good at Risk, maybe we could join a couples board game club.  
IKnowALittleSomething: u get all pissed when u lose  
KissedByFire: But if it's a couples club, we play as a team.  
IKnowALittleSomething: we'll be unbeatable  
KissedByFire: Exactly.  
IKnowALittleSomething: nxt weekend tho, we are going to that new restaurant that serves auroch steaks, i know u like them  
KissedByFire: Are you sure? I'll have to call and make a reservation.  
IKnowALittleSomething: already done

一

BAMFLannister: I am always going to read reports in bed.  
BeenThereDoneThatQueen: I know that.  
BAMFLannister: You don't feel that I ignore you?  
BeenThereDoneThatQueen: Why would you think that?  
BAMFLannister: Martell...  
BeenThereDoneThatQueen: Well, if he were trying to cause trouble between us, he made a good guess.  
BAMFLannister: So, it does not bother you?  
BeenThereDoneThatQueen: I enjoy our game.  
BAMFLannister: What game?  
BeenThereDoneThatQueen: Where you pretend to read reports in bed while secretly staring at my legs.  
BAMFLannsiter: You were aware of that?  
BeenThereDoneThatQueen: Of course, darling.

一

Kingslayer: Checking in.  
WarriorMaiden: On?  
Kingslayer: The worry status.  
WarriorMaiden: Oh.  I’m pretty confident that I’ll take down Stannis and Davos this week.  
Kingslayer: Excellent.  
WarriorMaiden: What?  
Kingslayer: The Usual Suspects is on tonight.  
WarriorMaiden: I love that movie!  
Kingslayer: I know. You can make me spaghetti and we can watch it after we play "handball".  
WarriorMaiden: Shut up. I am not wearing that Kiss the Cook apron again.  
Kingslayer: Fine then.  
WarriorMaiden: Did you just give in?  
Kingslayer: You can just cook naked.  
WarriorMaiden: I’ll make dinner naked if you cook breakfast naked first.  
Kingslayer: DEAL!  
WarriorMaiden: Oh good. I want bacon. Lots of crispy fried bacon.  
Kingslayer: ...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to MotherofFirkins who suggested I have Oberyn giving advice because, as she said, "he listens." And this let me sort of smooth over a lot of the couple strife as we are coming towards the end.
> 
> If you don't get the problem with frying bacon naked, I suggest you give it a try.


	5. Week 15, Friday.

**Friday**

WarriorMaiden: Marg!  
LadyRose: Brienne?  
WarriorMaiden: MARG!!!  
LadyRose: You have my attention...  
WarriorMaiden: Jaime said something last night!  
LadyRose: Didn't you tell me he talks all the time? In fact, don't you complain that he never shuts up?  
WarriorMaiden: He does. Never shut up.  
LadyRose: So?  
WarriorMaiden: While we were, you know..he said, something...  
LadyRose: He talks dirty. You told us that. That's hot. What did he say? Was it about his cock?  
WarriorMaiden: This was something different.  
LadyRose: So...?  
WarriorMaiden: ...  
LadyRose: You mean he said the L word?  
WarriorMaiden: ...!!!  
LadyRose: Finally.  
WarriorMaiden: It was DURING, so you know, he didn't mean it. I mean. I don't think he meant it. He says a lot of nonsense stuff during. But not, you know, that.  
LadyRose: So, what makes you think he didn't mean it?  
WarriorMaiden: How about the fact that you and every other woman I know tells me you can't trust what a man says during sex?  
LadyRose: Well. There is that. What did you do? Did you say it back?  
WarriorMaiden: I just kissed him...  
LadyRose: And then?  
WarriorMaiden: We, you know, finished.  
WarriorMaiden: And then we did it again.  
LadyRose: By the seven.  
WarriorMaiden: Then we went to sleep!  
LadyRose: And this morning?  
WarriorMaiden: We only had sex once this morning.  
LadyRose: *bangs head into desk*  
WarriorMaiden: What??  
LadyRose: Did you talk about it this morning?  
WarriorMaiden: NO. I didn't know what to say. But I did share the shower with him.  
LadyRose: You had shower sex too?  
WarriorMaiden: No!  
WarriorMaiden: It was just a shower. But in the dark. I get embarrassed with all the lights.  
LadyRose: That is so weird.  
WarriorMaiden: With a lot of kissing.  
WarriorMaiden: And hand stuff.  
LadyRose: Did he mention the L word?  
WarriorMaiden: No. What do I do?  
LadyRose: I don't know, maybe you could...say it back.  
WarriorMaiden: I don’t know! I mean...how do you know?  
LadyRose: You just do.  
WarriorMaiden: Do you?  
LadyRose: ...

一

YoungWolf: all fuckin day, can’t download anything  
IKnowALittleSomething: spider solitair suks anyway  
KellyCsBear: It is not so awful, once you try it. I won candles. It might help you get what you want.  
IKnowALittleSomething: itll get me porn?

一

SexViper: Ah, Tyween, now that you no longer have your Mountain to cheet for you, your team is vulnerable.  
BAMFLannister: How many times do I have to tell you, Martell, I did not collude with the Cleganes.  
SexViper: If the Mountain were here, I would beat him until he admitted it.  
BAMFLannister: If the Mountain were here, you'd get too cocky to beat him.  
SexViper: I can be rather cocky...would you like to see?  
BAMFLannister: ...

一

PinkISPretty: i dont like video games  
FertileNonagenarian: cant stop playin heh  
FertileNonagenarian: imma win spider solitaire

一

BeardedStag: Oh, hmmm….how did I know Loras and I were in love?  
WarriorMaiden: Yeah.  
BeardedStag: Are you asking because of you and Jaime?  
WarriorMaiden: Maybe…  
BeardedStag: Look, Brie, we’ve been friends for a long time.  
WarriorMaiden: Yes..  
BeardedStag: If you’re in love with Jaime, you need to be certain he is the guy you want to have sex with for the rest of your life.  
BeardedStag: So tell me, how is his cock?

一

BAMFLannister: Tyrion.  
URallAssholes: u rang?  
BAMFLannister: Why is every employee in this company playing some online solitaire game?  
URallAssholes: theyre bored?  
BAMFLannister: ...

一

YoungWolf: well, id been dating ros frey and then jeyne came along and ...it was just jeyne  
WarriorMaiden: You knew you loved her?  
YoungWolf: yeah, just in my stomach  
WarriorMaiden: That’s sweet.  
YoungWolf: dont tell every1 else

一

SharkKing: i clicked on this game link, it donwloaded like 33 solitarie games  
IronIslandsBattleBabe: Do I need to call IT?  
SharkKing: i want 2 finish this spider solitaire game  
IronIslandsBattleBabe: ...

一

Kingslayer: She’s been avoiding me all day.  
URallAssholes: u should propose  
Kingslayer: I told you, I have a plan for that.  
URallAssholes: lemme invite her and u can just ask  
Kingslayer: You’re starting to act like Father.  
URallAssholes: fuk u

一

WarriorMaiden: I’m trying to figure out how you know you’re in love.  
LadyRose: Brienne. Listen to me. You. Are. In. Love. With. Jaime. Lannister.  
WarriorMaiden: No. What? No!  
WarriorMaiden: Do you think?  
LadyRose: You two are so disgustingly head over heels for each other it makes me sick.  
WarriorMaiden: Why do you say that?

[LadyRose has invited URallAssholes to the conversation.]  
[URallAssholes has joined the conversation.]

LadyRose: Tyrion, are Jaime and Brienne grossly in love with each other?  
URallAssholes: didnt we discuss tis the other night?  
WarriorMaiden: You talk about us?  
URallAssholes: all that eating each others food and finishing each others sentences  
LadyRose: Stealing desserts off each other’s plates.  
WarriorMaiden: We do not do that.  
URallAssholes: *raises eyebrow at tall chick*  
WarriorMaiden: Much.  
LadyRose: See?  
WarriorMaiden: I’m not talking to you about this.  
LadyRose: Yeah, go talk to Jaime.  
WarriorMaiden: No.

[WarriorMaiden has left the conversation.]

LadyRose: He going to propose?  
URallAssholes: keeps saying he has it planned  
LadyRose: You know it will all go wrong.  
URallAssholes: probs, but we'll fix it, we r a good team  
LadyRose: We are, aren't we?

一

WarriorMaiden: Jaime?  
Kingslayer: Wench? Have you been avoiding me?  
WarriorMaiden: Idiot. No. I've been talking to other people.  
Kingslayer: I am not going to ask who.  
Kingslayer: Or about what.  
WarriorMaiden: Just, stuff.  
Kingslayer: Worrying stuff?  
WarriorMaiden: Figuring things out stuff. I’m still working on it.

[SharkReek has joined the conversation.]

SharkReek: Titties look to their left (yeah)  
Titties look to their right  
Can you feel nips (yeah)  
We're paying with tits tonight?  
Kingslayer: Are you cheating on me?  
WarriorMaiden: What? NO.  
SharkReek: u 2 breaking up? cause i wold b here 4u, brie, u know, if u need comfort sex  
Kingslayer: What the Crone's dusty fuck, Greyjoy? Did you just hit on my girl in front of me?  
SharkReek: jes sayin, she got nice legs, didnr rly notice b4  
WarriorMaiden: Gods, NO, Theon.  
Kingslayer: We are not breaking up, Brienne is my girlfriend and if you so much as look at her, I will cut off your dick and mail it to your father in a box.  
SharkReek: u jes said she was cheating on u!  
Kingslayer: I was asking her if she was LINEUP cheating on me. Asking someone else to help her figure out her lineup this week.  
SharkReek: chill dude  
Kingslayer: GET OUT.  
SharkReek: u never want 2talk2me  
WarriorMaiden: Lineup cheating on you? That's ridiculous. It's fine, Theon and I'm flattered but not interested.  
Kingslayer: So you're not letting other people help you figure out your lineup?  
WarriorMaiden: No. There is only one person I go to for lineup advice.  
Kingslayer: Me.  
WarriorMaiden: My dad.  
Kingslayer: ...  
SharkReek: heehee

 

Week 15 WrapUp

Second round of the Playoffs and our 1 and 2 seeds will be facing off for the Championship. Maiden’s Warriors racked up her lowest score total all season, but still managed to beat Team Stavos. Hear Me Kick Ass on the other hand, owned IWillBeYourChampion. The Lannisters always beat the Martells, don’t they? And who would have thought Brienne Tarth would take out our CommissionerByRight? You might have thought she’d made an oath to do it.

Maiden’s Warriors are projected to win, but it looks to be a close matchup. Who will end up on the Iron Throne? And let’s not forget, we still need that photo of Brienne in a dress to decorate it.


	6. Week 16, Championship Week, Monday and Tuesday.

**Monday**

WarriorMaiden: I’m into the championship!  
LadyRose: Did you tell Jaime you love him?  
WarriorMaiden: Can’t we talk about fantasy football instead?  
LadyRose: No.  
WarriorMaiden: I’m just...I don’t know...I just want to be sure. Really sure.  
LadyRose: Falling in love is kind of like jumping off a cliff, but really enjoying the fall.  
WarriorMaiden: You say this from experience?  
LadyRose: …

一

SexontheSand: My love, it will be all right.  
SexViper: My team has lost, to the Lanneesters.  
SexontheSand: I will comfort you.  
SexViper: I will never avenge my sister.  
SexontheSand: You came close this year. Next year, you defeat them.  
SexViper: If only I had played Hakeem Nicks and not Wes Welker. I was so certain.  
SexontheSand: There is always a penalty for being cocky, my love.  
SexViper: Perhaps we should be cocky, together.

一

PinkISPretty: grmpa walder arranged the marriage  
WarriorMaiden: An arranged marriage? This isn’t the dark ages! And you seem so in love.  
PinkISPretty: i do love roosie, i loved him the 1st time i saw him  
WarriorMaiden: Walda, that sounds...odd. I mean, does he love you?  
PinkISPretty: course he does  
WarriorMaiden: How do you know?  
PinkISPretty: he told me

一

UKnowUWantMe: ren  
BeardedStag: Yes, baby?  
UKnowUWantMe: u still love me?  
BeardedStag: Forever.  
UKnowUWantMe: even if i have bad hair?  
BeardedStag: I’d love you if you went bald like Stannis.  
UKnowUWantMe: thx babe...skype?  
BeardedStag: Depends..  
UKnowUWantMe: on?  
BeardedStag: You naked?  
UKnowUWantMe: i can b  
Bearded: I already am.  
UKnowUWantMe: nice

一

EddieBros: yo cunt, whatcha doin  
WarriorMaiden: Eddie, I thought you were banned from chat.  
BushWhacker: r suspension r over, bitch  
RocketRon: ur fault we got banned, fuckin whore

[ChampionRower has joined the conversation.]

WarriorMaiden: You did not get banned for your treatment of me. You were banned for inappropriate use of office email.  
RocketRon: still u fault, ur hairy freak  
ChampionRower: whoa, hey brie, u okay  
WarriorMaiden: Hey, Gendry, they are just some jerks.  
EddieBros: u fuckin her, rower?  
BushWhacker: thout she was kingslyers whore  
ChampionRower: BACK OFF ASSHOLES

[ChampionRower has invited StutteringSquire to the conversation.]  
[StutteringSquire has joined the conversation.]

StutteringSquire: Y-yes?  
RocketRon: u 2 little boys gt out, we gonna hav fun with the big blond bicth  
WarriorMaiden: You boys go, it's fine  
ChampionRower: pod?

[StutteringSquire has modified ChampionRower's permission set.]

StutteringSquire: Now!

[ChampionRower has kicked RocketRon from the conversation.]  
[StutteringSquire has permanently banned RocketRon from WhisperWeb Chat.]  
[ChampionRower has kicked BushWhacker from the conversation.]  
[StutteringSquire has permanently banned BushWhacker from WhisperWeb Chat.]  
[ChampionRower has kicked EddieBros from the conversation.]  
[StutteringSquire has permanently banned EddieBros from WhisperWeb Chat.]

ChampionRower: *fist bump*  
StutteringSquire: *fist bump*  
WarriorMaiden: How did you two learn to do that?  
ChampionRower: *shrug* somtmes u just gotta rescue someone  
StutteringSquire: *nods*  
WarriorMaiden: Thank you both.  
StutteringSquire: A-a-anytime.

一

CommissionerByRight: Are you disappointed Davos?  
FingerfewerHand: In what?  
CommissionerByRight: That we lost to Brienne in the playoffs?  
FingerfewerHand: No, Stannis. It’s just a game. We play more interesting games at home. Don’t we?  
CommissionerByRight: Yes. We do.  
FingerfewerHand: Stannis?  
CommissionerByRight: Yes, Sir. We do.  
FingerfewerHand: Better.  
CommissionetrByRight: Thank you, Sir.

一

iluvgilly: pls brienne?  
WarriorMaiden: Are you sure? Usually your groomsmen are...men?  
iluvgilly: im callin them best people and u r 1  
WarriorMaiden: Thank you then, Sam. I would be honored to stand up for you at your wedding.  
iluvgilly: thats u adn jon and pyp and grenn, ull be the tallest  
WarriorMaiden: I always am.

一 

Kingslayer: Mr. Tarth.  
Evenstar: Young man.  
Kingslayer: I wanted to ask you something.  
Evenstar: Her mother.  
Kingslayer: Pardon?  
Evenstar: When she was a very little girl, her mother used to sing You Are My Sunshine to her, but she’d change the words.  
Kingslayer: Change the words?  
Evenstar: Her mother didn’t have much of a singing voice and never remembered the words right. One time she sang it, you are my blue skies. You are my burping girl. You are my pully fingers. Always the same tune, but whatever words came to mind. Drove me nuts.  
Kingslayer: Didn’t she die when Brienne was just over three? Brienne said she didn’t remember her mother.  
Evenstar: Well, she heard that song probably 1000 times each day. When she’s happy and relaxed, she hums it. I don’t think she even notices that she does it.  
Kingslayer: That’s nice and all, but that wasn’t what I wanted to ask you.  
Evenstar: Son, you knew that my little girl hums You Are My Sunshine when she’s happy. Margaery's know her forever and didn't. You don’t need to ask me anything.  
Kingslayer: Thank you.  
Evenstar: You may be an idiot, but not a complete idiot.  
Evenstar: Brienne knows her own mind. Any question you need to ask, you need to ask her. I’ll support her in anything she wants.  
Kingslayer: That’s uh...very parental of you.  
Evenstar: Now, let me send you this one hit I made on a receiver. Coughed up the ball.  
Evenstar: Fumblya. Baren von Fumblestein. McFumbleroonio. Fumblerpanteroo.

**Tuesday**

samissosweet: oh brienne, i dunno  
WarriorMaiden: You love him and he loves you, right?  
samissosweet: yes!!  
WarriorMaiden: How did you know that? That you loved him?  
samissosweet: well, he’s just sam  
samissosweet: he’s kind and honest and true and smart like a wizard  
samissosweet: and i want to spend my days with him and not without him  
samissosweet: and the thought of him kissing another girls makes me want to punch someone  
samissosweet: i just know in my heart that i love him  
samissosweet: do you feel that way about jaime?  
WarriorMaiden: I...I….  
WarriorMaiden: How did you know Sam loved you?  
samissosweet: oh, that’s easy, he said it  
WarriorMaiden: It was that easy?  
samissosweet: love should be that easy :)

一

WarriorMaiden: He said it again, you know, during, but I just don’t know yet.  
LadyRose: And what did you do?  
WarriorMaiden: I said his name.  
LadyRose: *rolls eyes*  
WarriorMaiden: Oh, we did the eye thing.  
LadyRose: Eye thing? Why don't I know about this eye thing? ...Wait.

[LadyRose has invited IronIslandsBattleBabe to the conversation.]  
[LadyRose has invited KissedByFire to the conversation.]  
[IronIslandsBattleBabe has joined the conversation.]  
[LadyRose has invited SexontheSand to the conversation.]  
[LadyRose has invited MrsYoungWolf to the conversation]  
[KissedByFire has joined the conversation.]  
[SexontheSand has joined the conversation.]  
[MrsYoungWolf has joined the conversation.]

IronIslandsBattleBabe: What’s up?  
LadyRose: Brienne has a new sex thing to tell us.  
WarriorMaiden: Marg!  
KissedByFire: Did they invent a new position?  
SexontheSand: New positions? With those long long legs? Share.  
MrsYoungWolf: What? How?  
WarriorMaiden: No. Nothing like that.  
LadyRose: Come on, Brienne. What is the eye thing?  
WarriorMaiden: I mean, doesn’t everyone do the eye thing?  
SexontheSand: Stare at my lover across the room and make love to him with my eyes?  
IronIslandsBattleBabe: Nothing like a good eye fuck.  
WarriorMaiden: No. During.  
WarriorMaiden: When you just, you know, don't close our eyes and stare at each other, that thing.  
MrsYoungWolf: The whole time?  
WarriorMaiden: Yeah…  
MrsYoungWolf: I should try that with Robb.  
SexontheSand: Oberyn and I usually focus on the pleasure of skin.  
IronIslandsBattleBabe: I’ve never done that.  
LadyRose: So damn hot.  
KissedByFire: How the seven hells did Brienne end up with the best sex life of all of us?  
SexontheSand: But Oberyn and I ....well, you know, we have sex in... woman's garden ..seven basic....  
SexontheSand: Fuck. They really do have a great sex life.  
WarriorMaiden: I mean...it’s just...Jaime and I like what we like.  
LadyRose: And you like staring into one another’s eyes?  
WarriorMaiden: Yes...it just...feels better that way. We usually just do it the slower second time.  
IronIslandsBattleBabe: Slower second time?  
WarriorMaiden: Because, you know the first time is kind of rushed.  
MrsYoungRose: You do it twice every time?  
WarriorMaiden: Not every time.  
KissedByFire: Right, not every time.  
WarriorMaiden: In the mornings it’s usually just once.

一

Kingslayer: I've put my plan into action.  
URallAssholes: y not just ask her?  
Kingslayer: Because my plan is flawless.  
URallAssholes: no it's not  
Kingslayer: You don't even know my plan.  
URallAssholes: don't need 2

一

WardenWolf: oh uhm, she was dating my brother  
WarriorMaiden: And you stole her?  
WardenWolf: nah, she made it very clear shes not property and makes her own decisions  
WarriorMaiden: That’s a good point.  
WardenWolf: she asked me out and then, i just couldnt imagine not being w her  
WarriorMaiden: Oh, but how did you know she loved you?  
WardenWolf: she told me

一

Evenstar: Nopperdoodles.  
BAMFLannister: I would be the superior grandfather. I would establish trust funds for college, teach the children the value of family.  
Evenstar: I’ll wear tatty sweaters and keep sweets in my pockets.  
BAMFLannister: …  
Evenstar: …  
BAMFLannister: …

一

IKnowALittleSomething: she told me  
WarriorMaiden: That’s how you knew she loved you?  
IKnowALittleSomething: no, she said “u luv me jon snow” and thats how i knew i loved her  
WarriorMaiden: …

一

URallAssholes: he says he has some perfect plan  
LadyRose: It’s all going to go horribly wrong.  
URallAssholes: no shit  
LadyRose: Fuck me.  
URallAssholes: ...now? cause im available  
LadyRose: Meet you at your place.  
URallAssholes: 20 min

一

WarriorMaiden: Are we going to bet on the championship game?  
Kingslayer: You really think you can beat me, wench?  
WarriorMaiden: You’ve coasted so far this year on the back of Arian Foster.  
Kingslayer: Coasted? I’ve already beat your sweet ass once. It won’t be hard to do it again.  
WarriorMaiden: You are such an egotistical jerk.  
Kingslayer: Anything, I’ll bet you anything I win.  
WarriorMaiden: Anything?  
Kingslayer: Anything, Brienne. I am the best fantasy football owner in Westeros. Anything.  
WarriorMaiden: Fine! I want you to answer me a question, completely absolutely honestly with none of your stupid Jaime stuff where you exaggerate.  
Kingslayer: I don’t exaggerate.  
WarriorMaiden: …  
Kingslayer: Much.  
WarriorMaiden: What if you win? Which you won’t.  
Kingslayer: When I win, you have to answer one question for me, completely absolutely honestly with none of your stupid Brienne stuff where you avoid and deflect.  
WarriorMaiden: I do not avoid and deflect.  
Kingslayer: …  
WarriorMaiden: Much.


	7. Week 16, Championship Week, Wednesday and Thursday.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not gonna lie, this chapter is near and dear to my heart.

**Wednesday**

FingerfewerHand: Just knew, Brienne. First moment I saw him.  
WarriorMaiden: And did he know too?  
FingerfewerHand: He asked me to move in on our first date.  
WarriorMaiden: Stannis?  
FingerfewerHand: Oh he made me wait a while before I met Shireen, but we knew right away. Even Shireen knew.  
WarriorMaiden: What happened?  
FingerfewerHand: I had forgotten something at the house and stopped by to pick it up. Shireen introduced herself and said, “Are you the man who my dad is in love with?”  
WarriorMaiden: Oh, that’s sweet. What did Stannis say?  
FingerfewerHand: He explained why it should be “with whom.”

一

Needler: so…  
ChampionRower: ?  
Needler: dont u want 2 ask me somthing?  
ChampionRower: uh, how did ur science test go?  
Needler: ! u suck as a bf  
ChampionRower: what did I do??

[Needler has invited Kingslayer to the conversation.]  
[Kingslayer has joined the conversation.]

Kingslayer: Do I need my gold punching glove?  
Needler: jaime, dont u think a good bf should ask his gf important questions  
Kingslayer: What did you hear? Have you been spying on me?  
ChampionRower: a good bf would ask his gf impt questions if he knew what his gf was talkin abt!!  
Needler: dont u agree that there r certain things that r important stages of being a cple and as a good bf u dont forget those things  
Kingslayer: Uh...I agree with Arya?  
ChampionRower: grrrr! waht is she talkin abt?  
Kingslayer: No clue. I’m just contractually obligated to agree.  
Needler: jaime, u know what events happen n the north during winter  
Kingslayer: The dead rising?  
ChampionRower: r u talkin abt the winter formal?  
Needler: YES I AM TALKING ABT THE WINTER FORMAL AND U R MY BF AND U HAVE NOT ASKED ME AND ITS NEXT WEEK!!!!  
Kingslayer: Gendry, ask Arya to the Winter Formal or I will be forced to punch you.  
Needler: curse at him!  
Kingslayer: Gendry, you complete asswipe, what kind of fucking cocktard forgets to ask his kickass girlfriend to the godsdamn Winter Formal? Ask her now, before I beat the shit out of you, you little rowing turdbag.  
Needler: that was good!  
Kingslayer: *bows*  
ChampionRower: u said u didnt want 2g2 winter formal, u said it was stupid!  
Needler: it IS stupid, but u still have 2 ask me  
ChampionRower: u r my gf, y do i have 2 ask?  
Kingslayer: Gendry, bro, women, I cannot explain it. She’s right though. You have to ask.  
Kingslayer: Sometimes I ask Brienne just to watch her blush. She's so damn sexy when she blushes.  
Kingslayer: Brienne, do you think that table is sturdy enough to hold us? Brienne, what color are your panties? Brienne, do you want to do handstuff under the snuggie while we watch Die Hard?  
ChampionRower: handstuff?  
Needler: handstuff?  
Kingslayer: Forget I said that. Ask her to the formal.  
ChampionRower: arya, my gf, will u go 2 the winter formal w me  
Needler: winter formal is stupid  
ChampionRower: !  
Needler: but we should go neway  
ChampionRower: *rollz eyez*  
Kingslayer: Women, Gendry, what can I say?  
ChampionRower: back 2 handstuff?

一

URallAssholes: tall chick  
WarriorMaiden: What now?  
URallAssholes: u going2 break my bros heart?  
WarriorMaiden: What? NO.  
URallAssholes: u should ask him 2 marry u  
WarriorMaiden: That is not the question I’m going to ask him when I win!  
URallAssholes: y not?  
WarriorMaiden: Do you even know me?

一

Needler: ru going 2 marry brienne  
Kingslayer: Yes.  
Needler: did u ask her?  
Kingslayer: Did you hack my email?  
Needler: she does not like hot air balloons  
Kingslayer: Dammit.

 

**Thursday**

WarriorMaiden: So Dad..can I ask you something?  
Evenstar: ‘Course you can. Anything at all, love.  
WarriorMaiden: I mean, you never talk about it but…  
WarriorMaiden: How did you fall in love with mom?  
Evenstar: Oh. Don’t suppose I ever told you about that.  
Evenstar: I don’t come off too well in this story, Brienne. I was a jack wagon, matter of fact. But you’re old enough now to know men shouldn’t treat women like I treated your mother.  
WarriorMaiden: What?  
Evenstar: I was the worst kind of college jerk. I met her in a bar. She was waitressing.  
WarriorMaiden: But, didn’t she have a trust fund to pay for college?  
Evenstar: ‘Course she did. Stubborn as a mule, that woman. And a terrible waitress.  
WarriorMaiden: My mother was a barmaid?  
Evenstar: That she was. I was THEE Selwyn Tarth, big man on campus.  
Evenstar: I ordered a beer and some deep-fried mushrooms.  
Evenstar: She brought the beer and a basket of jalapeno poppers.  
Evenstar: I, not so politely, pointed out her mistake. She said, and I’ll never forget this,  
Evenstar: “It’s fried food. Eat it.” And made to walk away.  
WarriorMaiden: But you always get poppers?  
Evenstar: I do now. I called out to her something stupid asking her if she knew who I was.  
Evenstar: She walked back to me, picked up my beer, threw it in my face and said, “Yeah, you’re the jackass in the wet shirt.”  
WarriorMaiden: She threw a beer on you?  
Evenstar: And that was the first time we met. She got fired for that.  
Evenstar: Second time I saw her, I might possibly have made an ungentlemanly comment about the quantity and quality of her backside.  
Evenstar: Gave me a black eye for that one.  
WarriorMaiden: She punched you?  
Evenstar: It was a right hook. Lucky she didn’t break my nose.  
WarriorMaiden: And you ended up dating her?  
Evenstar: Oh, she wasn’t easy to convince. Called me Stupwyn for the first four months.  
WarriorMaiden: Stupwyn?  
Evenstar: Either I was stupid or bored her into a stupor. She never could decide.  
Evenstar: When I blew out my knee, I convinced her to come home to Tarth with me for a visit.  
Evenstar: Decided to take her fishing and propose once I got her out on the boat.  
Evenstar: Figured if she said no, I could push her over, knock her over the head with an oar and no one would be the wiser. I’d rehab my knee and play pro ball.  
WarriorMaiden: But I thought your injury was permanent?  
Evenstar: She said yes, so instead of living a life on road, always worried about the next injury, we settled on Tarth.  
WarriorMaiden: You gave up your career for her?  
Evenstar: Being a husband to her and a father to you was my career, Brienne. Never really wanted to do anything else.  
WarriorMaiden: Were you happy?  
Evenstar: Well, your mother never was much for homemaking. Fried the lamb chops ‘til you could hammer nails with them. Never made a cookie that couldn’t be used as a hockey puck. Yet the toast was mysteriously soggy.  
Evenstar: Happiest years of my life were with her. Loved every moment of raising you, especially when you’d punch some little snotrag on the playground, but I miss her every day.  
WarriorMaiden: But dad, the women you date now, they all bake and clean and are so polite. They’d never throw beer on you or punch you in the face.  
Evenstar: Exactly, love, exactly.  
WarriorMaiden: ...Oh.

一

SharkReek: need ur help!  
FertileNonagenarian: whut now?  
SharkReek: im running out of songs 2 titbomb  
FertileNonagenarian: i wrote like 50 4u  
SharkReek: i know! i used them all!  
FertileNonagenarian: even the t-swift? shes hot  
SharkReek: yes! all of them  
FertileNonagenarian: fuk lemme look up annoying country songs

一

WarriorMaiden: Jaime.  
Kingslayer: Wench?  
WarriorMaiden: Idiot. I want to ask you a question and without asking why, I want you to just answer.  
Kingslayer: You have not won the bet.  
WarriorMaiden: This is different. I just have a question for you.  
Kingslayer: Yes, I will come over and fuck you on your desk right now.  
WarriorMaiden: I have told you my desk is glass and it would break under our combined weight.  
Kingslayer: That reminds me, we need to buy a new coffee table.  
WarriorMaiden: We are not discussing that!  
Kingslayer: Fine. My desk is wood. You come here.  
WarriorMaiden: Shut up. This is important.  
Kingslayer: Christening this desk is important.  
WarriorMaiden: Jaime…  
Kingslayer: Fine. I will not think about you sitting on my desk wearing only my green plaid shirt, my hands sliding up your long long legs, unbuttoning that shirt with my teeth.  
WarriorMaiden: …  
Kingslayer: You’re thinking about it, aren’t you? Come over.  
WarriorMaiden: Stop. Let me ask you this.  
WarriorMaiden: Please.  
Kingslayer: Okay.  
Kingslayer: You can ask me anything, anytime, anywhere, Brienne.  
WarriorMaiden: And just answer. No trying to clarify the question. Got it?  
Kingslayer: As you wish.  
WarriorMaiden: If you asked me for an order of deep fried mushrooms and I brought you jalapeno poppers instead, what would you do?  
Kingslayer: ?  
WarriorMaiden: Please, Jaime, just answer.  
Kingslayer: Without asking the why of anything...If you brought me jalapeno poppers when I asked for mushrooms, well ... they are fried food. I'd eat ‘em.  
WarriorMaiden: You would?  
Kingslayer: I’d guess they were out of mushrooms or you wanted poppers or something.  
WarriorMaiden: But what if I’d just made a mistake and gotten you the wrong thing?  
Kingslayer: Wench, the food doesn’t matter. Poppers or mushrooms or cheese fries, it’s all good. Whatever you want. It doesn’t matter. You matter.  
WarriorMaiden: Okay.  
Kingslayer: We aren’t having a debate over bar food? That’s it?  
WarriorMaiden: Yes. No. I mean...yes. I, Jaime…I..want to tell you something.

[SharkReek has joined the conversation.]

SharkReek: 'Cause you’ve got tits in low places  
Where the nipples drown  
And the cleavage chases my blues away  
And I'll be okay  
I'm not big on bras of laces  
Think I'll slip on down to the tit oasis  
Oh, you've got tits in low places  
Kingslayer: You can tell me anything.  
WarriorMaiden: Never mind. It’s a Theon drive by.  
SharkReek: u know, i kinda want 2 say bewbs more now that tits  
WarriorMaiden: *rolls eyes*  
SharkReek: bewbs, boobies, boobalicious, bewbies, boobalahs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Vana for telling me this isn't overly sappy, although I suspect it might be.


	8. Week 16, Championship Week, Friday.

**Friday**

MrsYoungWolf: Are we doing anything special in King’s Landing this weekend?  
IronIslandsBattleBabe: Other than watching the games?  
MrsYoungWolf: Ugh. Football.  
LadyRose: No kidding.  
KissedByFire: King’s Landing, football, blah blah blah. I’m bored.  
IronIslandsBattleBabe: I’m Yarsha, nice to meet you.  
MrsYoungWolf: We could talk about my pregnancy?  
LadyRose: No.  
IronIslandsBattleBabe: No.  
KissedByFire: Shut it about that Jeyne. I got your twitter update this morning.  
MrsYoungWolf: Fine.  
MrsYoungWolf: Why do some people say shut it and not shut up?  
IronIslandsBattleBabe: What are we? Stannis? Spending our days arguing infinitives and subjunctive case of being?  
LadyRose: Fuck. That is dull. Brienne just logged on. She’s late today.

[LadyRose has invited WarriorMaiden to the conversation.]  
[WarriorMaiden has joined the conversation.]

LadyRose: Hey Brie. We’re bored. Entertain us.  
WarriorMaiden: I...I don’t know, I mean. I…  
KissedByFire: Have you turned into that sticky keyboard guy who follows you around?  
WarriorMaiden: No. No.  
WarriorMaiden: Jaime and I did something really kinky this morning and I am a little ...shaky I guess.  
IronIslandsBattleBabe: Kinky? Do tell.  
MrsYoungWolf: *puts chin on hands and bats eyes* Tell everything.  
LadyRose: Nice one, Jeyne, but yeah, tell us.  
KissedByFire: Kinky kinky kinky kinky.  
WarriorMaiden: I don’t know if I can explain, really.  
LadyRose: We’ll coax you along the way we always do.  
IronIslandsBattleBabe: I’ll start. You and Jaime fucked this morning.  
WarriorMaiden: No, we didn’t. I mean, I thought he’d want to, but he, you know, finished.  
WarriorMaiden: On my back. How did he do that from what we did?  
KissedByFire: Uh….what?  
MrsYoungWolf: You’re going to have to be more detailed.  
LadyRose: Start from the beginning.  
WarriorMaiden: Okay. Well Jaime and I have been arguing.  
IronIslandsBattleBabe: As usual.  
MrsYoungWolf: How can you argue all the time? Robb or I just give in.  
KissedByFire: Let her get to the kinky. Arguing about what?  
WarriorMaiden: Me, mostly. I mean, arguing about my body.  
LadyRose: *raises eyebrow*  
MrsYoungWolf: Did he call you fat again?  
IronIslandsBattleBabe: I will beat him to a pulp.  
WarriorMaiden: No. He called me beautiful.  
LadyRose: And you argue over this?  
WarriorMaiden: I know what I look like and don’t any of you start because I need to tell someone about this so I can understand it so just shut up and let me talk.  
KissedByFire: I love it when she’s bossy.  
LadyRose: Oh gods, me too.  
WarriorMaiden: Jaime will ask me to reach for something on the top shelf and then tell me how sexy my arm is and how he likes certain freckles.  
WarriorMaiden: Or how he likes the arch in my foot because it’s so ticklish.  
WarriorMaiden: Or how beautiful my thighs are when the muscles in them twitch under his hand.  
WarriorMaiden: Stupid, annoying, ridiculous Jaime stuff.  
KissedByFire: That’s hot as fuck.  
MrsYoungWolf: I’m too short to reach the top shelf.  
KissedByFire: So is Jon.  
LadyRose: Stay on track, ladies. How does that get you to kinky sex this morning?  
WarriorMaiden: I have been trying to be better about letting Jaime see me in the mornings, so I didn’t kick him out of the bathroom when I was brushing my teeth. He brushed his too and then he sat on the counter between the two sinks watching me floss.  
MrsYoungWolf: A dual sink bathroom? I want that.  
IronIslandsBattleBabe: Shut up, Jeyne.  
WarriorMaiden: So then, he started kissing on me and touching me and saying his stupid Jaime stuff.  
LadyRose: About how you’re beautiful and strong and he loves your body?  
WarriorMaiden: Yeah, being ridiculous.  
KissedByFire: *rolls eyes*  
IronIslandsBattleBabe: And then?  
WarriorMaiden: He uhm, managed to get my clothes off and I didn’t really notice. He’s sneaky like that. I swear he has an extra hand or something. And the bathroom is so bright with lights.  
MrsYoungWolf: That’s a start. What was he wearing?  
WarriorMaiden: Oh, he was naked. He walks around naked all the time.  
KissedByFire: Naked is good.  
LadyRose: And then?  
WarriorMaiden: He turned me around and pulled me up on the counter so I was sitting between his legs, back to front.  
IronIslandsBattleBabe: Still waiting for the kinky? Anal?  
WarriorMaiden: GAH. NO. NO.  
KissedByFire: You should try it.  
MrsYoungWolf: Really?  
LadyRose: Back to Brienne. Okay. You’re sitting together on the bathroom counter, naked, and your long strong thighs are twitching under his hands.  
WarriorMaiden: Uhm. Yeah. And he kept talking like he does and then he, you know, started touching me. Up and down.  
KissedByFire: Huh?  
IronIslandsBattleBabe: One hand between your legs and one on a tit?  
WarriorMaiden: Right.  
LadyRose: Nice interpretative work.  
IronIslandsBattleBabe: I speak Brienne.  
MrsYoungWolf: So it’s manual sex?  
WarriorMaiden: Yes and it’s well...Jaime is really, really good with his hands. And he was kissing my neck and shoulders and doing all the things that I like.  
KissedByFire: I thought manual sex was doing it by the book?  
IronIslandsBattleBabe: What books are you reading?  
LadyRose: Okay, Brienne, some hot foreplay with dirty talk going on and then…  
WarriorMaiden: He told me to open my eyes.  
KissedByFire: ?  
WarriorMaiden: The shower is right across from the sinks and it has sliding doors and one of the doors is a full-length mirror.  
MrsYoungWolf: All those mirrors...  
LadyRose: OH!  
KissedByFire: Did you get video?  
IronIslandsBattleBabe: Shut up, it’s getting hot.  
IronIslandsBattleBabe: Then what happened?  
WarriorMaiden: I tried to, you know, turn or get away or something, but he had his legs hooked over mine and I couldn't and then he did this thing with his thumb and it makes me all boneless.  
LadyRose: So you were on the counter, you could see yourself in the mirror while he was getting you off?  
KissedByFire: By the seven…  
WarriorMaiden: And talking and he started telling me to do stuff too.  
IronIslandsBattleBabe: Fuck.  
MrsYoungWolf: Like what?  
WarriorMaiden: Telling me to touch myself and telling me how beautiful I am and to look at myself and asking me how could I not see how beautiful I am and whenever I would close my eyes he would tell me to open them and watch, watch myself, not him.  
LadyRose: Good gods. I am so turned on right now.  
WarriorMaiden: And then he kept doing the thumb thing over and over and I could see it and see his hands on me and then I looked up at our faces and I, you know, finished.  
KissedByFire: I think I need to finish.  
WarriorMaiden: But he kept going. And you know, again.  
IronIslandsBattleBabe: Fuck me.  
MrsYoungWolf: ...How many times?  
WarriorMaiden: I don’t know? Five? Ten?  
KissedByFire: TEN?  
WarriorMaiden: I don’t know! And he kept calling me beautiful. Over and over again.  
LadyRose: And he finished too?  
WarriorMaiden: Yes, on my back. I didn’t even notice. It was pretty selfish of me.  
KissedByFire: He came from watching you come? Dayum.  
WarriorMaiden: I guess? It was all very intense like it was too much and now I feel all weird. After that we showered together and he held me and washed me because my legs were a little weak.  
IronIslandBattleBabe: That is so fucking hot.  
WarriorMaiden: And then, he said it while we were in the shower.  
MrsYoungWolf: Said what?  
WarriorMaiden: You know.  
KissedByFire: He told you he loved you?  
WarriorMaiden: Yes…  
IronIslandsBattleBabe: First time?  
WarriorMaiden: No, I mean, he’s said it before, but usually, you know, during.  
MrsYoungWolf: Can’t trust what a man says during.  
KissedByFire: You know, I think Jaime might be different.  
IronIslandsBattleBabe: Jaime is definitely different.  
WarriorMaiden: And...I think maybe, I might have maybe gotten some soap in my eyes and it stung and I had to blink a lot and then, I said it back.  
WarriorMaiden: For the first time.  
MrsYoungWolf: Wow. What did he do?  
WarriorMaiden: Well, it’s Jaime. So he did his Jaime thing.  
KissedByFire: Tell you you’re beautiful and make you come like a superstring of firecrackers?  
LadyRose: Nice description.  
KissedByFire: I try.  
WarriorMaiden: No! He was, you know, he had his arms around me and he tightened them and I felt him smiling into my neck and he leaned up and whispered “I know” into my ear.  
MrsYoungWolf: I know?  
WarriorMaiden: Like Han Solo to Princess Leia. But more Jaime being Jaime.  
KissedByFire: How the fuck can I find that so hot and romantic? I might need to go find Jon.  
IronIslandsBattleBabe: I’m still thinking about that mirror thing.  
LadyRose: I’ve never stopped thinking about that mirror thing. Brienne, when you decide to share details, you go for it.  
WarriorMaiden: Shut up. I don’t know what to do now! And I feel all weird! What if he was just trying to get me to say it? What if he’s done with me now? I'm worried.  
LadyRose: *bangs head into desk*  
MrsYoungWolf: Brienne. Seriously. Jaime loves you.

[SexontheSand has joined the conversation.]

SexontheSand: Sorry I am late this morning. Oberyn woke up quite amorous.  
IronIslandsBattleBabe: Don’t even try, Ell. Brienne just told us the hottest sex story ever about what she and Jaime did this morning.  
WarriorMaiden: I did? I didn’t mean to! I’m just confused!  
KissedByFire: Look, I have to log out and go fuck Jon.

[KissedByFire has logged out of chat.]

MrsYoungWolf: I’m going to go surprise Robb.

[MrsYoungWolf has logged out of chat.]

WarriorMaiden: You’re leaving me?  
LadyRose: Brienne, you can’t tell us stuff like that and not expect us to get all worked up thinking about your hot naked body on display and Jaime’s hands all over you and I think I know what the thumb thing is because Tyrion does it.  
WarriorMaiden: What is that??? I mean!  
LadyRose: Damn Brienne, Jaime is right about your body. I’ve told you so for years.

[SexViper has joined the conversation.]

SexViper: Is someone discussing the naked goddess Brienne?  
IronIslandsBattleBabe: How does he do that?  
WarriorMaiden: No! We are not discussing that. Not anymore.  
SexontheSand: I missed it as well, my love.  
LadyRose: I have to go take care of things...yes, things...holy fucking seven that was so incredibly hot, Brienne. I'm calling Tyrion.

[LadyRose logged out of chat.]

SexontheSand: Brienne, share with us these details?

[Kingslayer has joined the conversation.]

IronIslandsBattleBabe: Hey Jaime, boy, ‘sup?  
Kingslayer: Uh. Hey Yarsha.  
SexViper: Goddess Brienne, you can tell me anything.  
Kingslayer: I’m going to gouge your eyes out with my thumbs one day.  
SexViper: Ah, Lannister, we play each other this week. Prepare to die.  
Kingslayer: Nice originality, Inigo Martellya.  
IronIslandsBattleBabe: Ell, Oberyn, have you two met Bronn? I think the four of us could have a good time. Let’s go.  
SexontheSand: You intrigue me.  
WarriorMaiden: Don’t leave me!  
Kingslayer: I’d never leave you, Brienne. I’m right here.  
IronIslandsBattleBabe: You can thank me later, Jaime. Let’s go.  
Kingslayer: Uh...Sure?

[SexViper has left the conversation.]  
[IronIslandBattleBabe has left the conversation.]  
[SexontheSand has left the conversation.]

Kingslayer: Wench?  
WarriorMaiden: ...yeah?  
Kingslayer: About this morning…  
WarriorMaiden: Oh gods.  
Kingslayer: You never decided if you wanted the all you can eat enchilada buffet or the pasta place with the great bread for lunch.  
WarriorMaiden: You want to go to lunch? With me?  
Kingslayer: I’m kind of hungry. Worked up a bit of an appetite this morning you might recall. I mean I had a power bar. Or two. And a doughnut. Since you made us run late and we missed breakfast.  
WarriorMaiden: You made us run late!  
Kingslayer: I seem to remember you liking it though. You liked it quite a bit. I can picture it now. Are you picturing it now?  
WarriorMaiden: SHUT UP.  
Kingslayer: I can eat a couple more doughnuts, book a room in the hotel next to your office and we can skip lunch.  
WarriorMaiden: No!  
WarriorMaiden: I mean, I’m hungry. We dont’t have any doughnuts at the office. Renly is on a diet or something.  
Kingslayer: Hah. I knew that beard was to hide his tendency towards double chins.  
WarriorMaiden: Don’t be mean.  
Kingslayer: So enchiladas or pasta?  
WarriorMaiden: Pasta place.  
Kingslayer: Good. We need to carb up because I am going to fuck you into the mattress when we get home tonight.  
Kingslayer: I can’t stop thinking about how you looked this morning. How you look like that for me and no one else, never anyone else Brienne. So damn sexy.  
WarriorMaiden: Gods Jaime!  
Kingslayer: What?  
WarriorMaiden: Don’t steal all the butter.  
Kingslayer: I’ll order extra.

一

URallAssholes: ru whistling?  
Kingslayer: Maybe. Are you done with your telephone conference?  
URallAssholes: teleconf right, heh  
URallAssholes: what the fuck is that song?  
Kingslayer: Name that tune.  
URallAssholes: u come n late, u eat half a plate of donuts, steal pecks power bars and now ur whistling  
Kingslayer: It’s a great day.  
URallAssholes: its not dont worry be happy  
Kingslayer: Nope, but I can whistle that one later.  
URallAssholes: damn, ur loud bro  
Kingslayer: Got the song yet?  
URallAssholes: im googling songs w whistling  
URallAssholes: yrun such a good mood?  
Kingslayer: You know, my wench is right about people needing to type things out. I mean? Yrun? Is it so hard to type Why are you in? Yrun just looks stupid.  
URallAssholes: river kwai, thats a good whistling song  
Kingslayer: She’s amazing. And…  
URallAssholes: there is no website 4 love songs whistling, dude, what is that?  
Kingslayer: AND, pay attention here, she finally admitted she loves me.  
URallAssholes: good goin’...wtf?  
URallAssholes: is that j geils band, angel is the centerfold?  
Kingslayer: Damn right.  
URallAssholes: thats going 2b stuck n my head all fukin day  
Kingslayer: Nah, nah, nah nah nah nah, nah nah nah, nahnah nah nah nah.  
URallAssholes: i hate u  
Kingslayer: Don’t care. Brienne loves me.  
URallAssholes: SO PROPOSE ALREADY  
Kingslayer: I have a plan.  
URallAssholes: godsdammit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to QuizzicalQuinnia for the beta on this and answering the question, "Is this too porny?"


	9. Week 16, Championship Sunday.  From a Sports Bar in King's Landing.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The winner of the Iron Throne is revealed!

**Sunday Night**

WarriorMaiden: I won! DAD. I won!!!  
Evenstar: That’s great, love. I knew you could do it.  
WarriorMaiden: I couldn’t have done it without you, Dad. You taught me everything I know.  
Evenstar: Nothing quite like passing down your knowledge to a child...or grandchild.  
WarriorMaiden: I am so excited.  
Evenstar: Sorry I couldn't come to King's Landing, but I hear you might have other plans tonight.  
WarriorMaiden: I'll see you Super Bowl weekend though, right?  
Evenstar: 'Course. Now go celebrate with that dumb fella of yours. Or is he too upset that you beat him?  
WarriorMaiden: Oh uhm….he seems okay. He's been pretty tense today and on his phone a lot. He kissed me though. And gave me a hug.  
Evenstar: Kissed you?  
WarriorMaiden: Dad…  
Evenstar: I’m going to send him another bone-crushing hit link.  
WarriorMaiden: *rolls eyes*  
Evenstar: Just teasin’ ya. It’s a father’s perogative. To tease his daughter. And granddaughters.  
WarriorMaiden: Love you. I’ll talk to you tomorrow!  
Evenstar: Love you too.

一

MrsYoungWolf: Gods, football is boring. Did we all really just sit here for over six hours?  
KissedByFire: My ass is numb. And I keep getting these popups for Spider Solitaire.  
PinkISPretty: i have cupcakes left, i hid some from ramsay  
PerfectPrincess: thx walda!  
MrsYoungWolf: ...cupcakes. Not sure that's going sit well with these onion bacon sour cream cheese fries.  
LadyRose: All right ladies, while they’re all over there talking football, let’s discuss the playoff beards.  
Needler: did viserys even grow 1?  
MrsYoungWolf: I think it’s just blond.  
IronIslandsBattleBabe: Theon’s is pretty patchy, same with Jon and Sam. Oh and Ramsay.  
LadyRose: Sam does smell great though. I got a good sniff earlier.  
Needler: u smelled sam? weirdo  
KissedByFire: I told you!  
SexontheSand: Stannis, Davos and and Roose, though. Those are very sexy beards.  
PinkISPretty: i want roose 2 keep his  
PerfectPrincess: i hate dads beard  
KissedByFire: Walder’s beard is the worst, it’s like drippy white strings.  
PinkISPretty: ...that might b spit  
IronIslandsBattleBabe: ...ew.  
LadyRose: Tyrion’s beard is pretty hot.  
MrsYoungWolf: I love Robb, but ginger beards never look good.  
KissedByFire: Nothing wrong with being a ginger, but yeah. And Tyrion’s beard is pretty hot. I kind of regret...  
LadyRose: *raises eyebrow*  
Needler: what makes a beard hot?  
PerfectPrincess: if it makes him look sexy, duh  
SexontheSand: Oberyn always looks sexy.  
IronIslandsBattleBabe: You want to see a man who looks good with a beard, girls, take a look at Jaime Lannister.

[UKnowUWantMe has joined the conversation.]

KissedByFire: Damn, that is a good beard.  
UKnowUWantMe: talkin bout my hot playoff beard?  
Needler: uh no...urs is patchy and weird  
UKnowUWantMe: screw u, needler  
PinkISPretty: jaime does have a nice beard  
IronIslandsBattleBabe: All the Lannisters have good hair. Jaime, Tyrion...Tywin…  
LadyRose: Tywin, really?  
KissedByFire: Nothing wrong with older guy sexy.  
PinkISPretty: not granpa tho  
Needler: im w yarsha...ew  
MrsYoungWolf: Jaime really does have a sexy beard. I wonder if he washes it with Suave.  
UKnowUWantMe: GODS DID U HAVE 2 REMIND ME

一

RedHeadedMother: What do you mean, it's fine?  
Kingslayer: I mean Brienne won the Iron Throne and I'm proud of her.  
RedHeadedMother: You are proud of her?  
Kingslayer: Why wouldn't I be?  
RedHeadedMother: She is a woman and she beat you!!  
Kingslayer: For all the skill of drafting a team, picking up players off waiver and setting a lineup, Fantasy Football is a game of chance.  
Kingslayer: I put in the best lineup I could. She beat me.  
RedHeadedMother: Aren't you humiliated and ashamed to lose to a woman?  
Kingslayer: Catelyn, not sure what century you're living in here, but there is no shame in men losing to women. It's not as if a woman's only value is in producing heirs. If Ned is telling you there is, that's a problem and you could do better.  
RedHeadedMother: ?  
Kingslayer: I think having Brienne in the League has been great. Without the League, she probably never would have come into my life. She is an amazing woman and I couldn't be happier that the woman I love is sitting on the Iron Throne. I mean, look at her over there talking to Renly. She’s fucking glowing.  
RedHeadedMother: ...  
Kingslayer: Now, if Walder had won, then we'd all be ashamed. That might even destroy the League.  
RedHeadedMother: Walder? Really? You would disband if Walder won?  
Kingslayer: Maybe...  
Kingslayer: Hey though, what do you think about having a couples' League? Brienne/Me, Tyrion/Margaery, Ned/You, Renly/Loras, Stannis/Davos, Jon/Ygritte, Sam/Gilly, Father/Olenna, Robb/Jeyne, Oberyn/Ellaria, Bronn/Yarsha, Roose/Walda?  
RedHeadedMother: You want Ned in a second League?  
Kingslayer: I mean, Brienne and I would cream all you fucking losers, but it could be fun. For us at least. You should run it by Ned.  
RedHeadedMother: ...

一

Needler: brienne won!!  
Unknown: A woman set a good lineup.  
Needler: did u cheat 4 her?  
Unknown: A man cannot fix a game.  
Needler: sweet!  
Unknown: Has a man's debt been paid?  
Needler: ur off the hook  
Unknown: If the day comes when you must find me again, send a message on any chat network.  
Needler: whut message?  
Unknown: Valar Footballis.

一

BeenThereDoneThatQueen: Tywin?  
BAMFLannister: Olenna?  
BeenThereDoneThatQueen: You saw who won?  
BAMFLannister: Won what?  
BeenThereDoneThatQueen: Don't be obtuse. It's annoying.  
BAMFLannister: Yes, I am aware that I may have lost our bet. I need to review the exact terms before acquiescing.  
BeenThereDoneThatQueen: You just can't admit I won.

一

Needler: thx 4 winning brienne!  
WarriorMaiden: I swore I would and I keep my oaths.  
PerfectPrincess: way2 take down the boys!  
Needler: jaime just gave me 20 bucks 4 holdin hs coat  
WarriorMaiden: *rolls eyes* He's ready to leave. Take care girls.  
Needler: did he ask u yet?  
WarriorMaiden: Ask what?  
Needler: nm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this ignores the existence of the Monday night game and actually the result did rest on that game. But well...it didn't work to acknowledge it. So move that game to Sunday night. I let the matchup play out naturally and the wrote this, which is why it kind of took so long.
> 
> Brienne won, fair and square. No Commissioner (ME) interfering. Go Brienne!


	10. Post Championship, Monday Morning.

**Monday Morning**

**Championship WrapUp**

Well, Iron Throne League Team Owners, we have a winner. It was close. Drew Brees played for Hear Me Kick Ass and Peyton Manning for Maiden’s Warriors. Both had sucktacular weeks. It came down to the final game of the week and Manning had four interceptions. However, Maiden’s Warriors still pulled through, winning 98.45 to 94.00. Congratulations, Rookie. You won it all. Enjoy the Iron Throne. This is ItsyBitsy reminding you that you can fill your time before the next season playing Spider Solitaire on WhisperWeb Chat. A new tournament every week!

Final Standings | 1 | Maiden’s Warriors  
---|---  
2 | Hear Me Kick Ass  
3 | Team Stannis/Davos  
4 | IWillBeYourChampion  
5 | The Faceless Team  
6 | Winter Wolves  
7 | Flayers’ Players  
8 | GridIronBorn  
9 | Night’s Winnerman  
10 | Thorny Stags  
11 | 2Old2Care  
12 | DragonKings  
  
一

TO: All Team Owners  
FROM: Stannis Baratheon, Fantasy Football League Commissioner  
DATE: December 22, 2014  
RE: League Champion

Dear League Owners,

The final statistics have been compiled. There are no corrections to be made. As such, the League results are now final. Congratulations to Brienne Tarth and her team, Maiden’s Warriors, for winning the League Championship. Brienne, please schedule a time with Davos to pick up the trophy.

I thank you all for an enjoyable and successful season. I will be active during the off season to address any issues involving rule or team changes. Please do not hesitate to contact me.

You have all made my first year as commissioner an unqualified success. I thank you again.

Very truly yours,  
Stannis Baratheon  
Co-Owner, Team Stannis/Davos  
Fantasy Football League Commissioner

一

**The League Message Board**

CommissionerByRight: Congratulations, Brienne.  
iluvgilly: congrats brienne and thank u 4 listening 2 me and helping em all year  
TheLastDragon: collusion!!  
KellyCsBear: Congratulations Brienne. Perhaps you’d like some candles to celebrate?  
LimpingLord: Congrats.  
WardenWolf: way 2go brienen  
IKnowALittleSomething: congrats brie  
SharkKing: sh*(&(*& w)(*n lai8we8u798*  
LegitimizeThisBitches: wtf, balon? fukin loser  
FlayMaster: It is not as if you did much better, Ramsay. Congratulations, Brienne.  
SharkReek: hey Brie, congrats, TITTAYS  
FertileNonagenarian: is the season over, 4 real?  
Unknown: A man congratulates a winner.  
FingerfewerHand: Congratulations, Brienne. It’s been a real pleasure having you part of the League.  
BeardedStag: Way to go, Brienne.  
UKnowUWantMe: rah rah, yay brie, well still kick ur ass @ game night  
URallAssholes: as if loras, tall chick is made of win  
YoungWolf: grats brie  
SexViper: Brienne, I am so pleased you took out the Lanneesters. You are truly a goddess.  
Kingslayer: She is MY goddess. Congratulations, Brienne. You are truly a warrior.  
WarriorMaiden: Thank you all so much. I am so happy to be part of this League.  
ItsyBitsy: Thank you for using WhisperWeb Chat and the WhisperWeb fantasy football league network. Be sure to re-register your league name for next year.  
ItsyBitsy: Don’t let the off season be boring. WhisperWeb runs daily Spider Solitaire tournaments. Prizes awarded. Just download the software on to your computer.

一

samissosweet: jeyne asked me what our colors are  
iluvgilly: ??  
samissosweet: our wedding colors?  
iluvgilly: what does that mean exactly?  
samissosweet: i guess what color our invitationsr? and the decorations?  
iluvgilly: oh. u can decide if u want  
samissosweet: can we decide together?  
samissosweet: or is that too  
samissosweet: like too couply?  
iluvgilly: we're getting married, so it's hard to be *2* couply  
samissosweet: :) maybe grey and pink? like a kitten  
iluvgilly: or maybe grey and rose, since it's more seasonal  
samissosweet: that's perfect, you are the best.  
iluvgilly: no, you are.  
samissosweet: no, you are.  
iluvgilly: i love you, gilly  
samissosweet: i love you sam

一

SexViper: Are you sure, Doran?  
LimpingLord: I can no longer be bothered, Oberyn. You must carry the family mantle.  
SexViper: I should have a co-owner. Obara perhaps? Tyene?  
LimpingLord: Why not Ellaria? She loves the football.  
SexViper: I...I had not considered.  
LimpingLord: And you’re the one out giving advice all the time.

一

LegitimizeThisBitches: we shud get our own team  
SharkReek: u think? but the league man  
LegitimizeThisBitches: they r never going 2 accept us, we could do better n another league  
SharkReek: u want 2 do that, 2gether?  
LegitmizeThisBitches: there is no one else i want 2 own a team with  
SharkReek: ditto  
LegitimizeThisBitches: did u wtch ghost again?  
SharkReek: its a good movie!

一

TheLastDragon: u what?  
KellyCsBear: I have been invited by Khal Drogo to join the Khalasar League as his co-owner.  
TheLastDragon: ur abandoning my quest 4 the iron throne  
KellyCsBear: I will be supporting your sister. You never took my advice anyway.  
TheLastDragon: that slut??? i am the dragon! u do not command me! i will win this leagye on my own!  
KellyCsBear: You can't survive in this League without help.

一

FlayMaster: Walda, are you certain?  
PinkISPretty: freys are fertile u know!  
FlayMaster: All right. Perhaps we’ll have a son to whom I can pass along my fantasy football team.  
PinkISPretty: or a daughter who can bake!  
FlayMaster: And take over my dental practice.

一

PerfectPrincess: def going 2 KLU this fall!  
StutteringSquire: GREAT! I can show you all around town.  
PerfectPrincess: hey...did u get ur keyboard fixed?  
StutteringSquire: Guess so...maybe it was just a virus from that big computer shutdown over the weekend.  
PerfectPrincess: heard about that!  
StutteringSquire: It’s all fixed now.  
PerfectPrincess: my mom wants me 2 spend time w petyr baelish in KL, i don’t like him  
StutteringSquire: Hey...why don’t we talk Jaqen into giving him a virus?  
PerfectPrincess: can u get him 2 do that?  
StutteringSquire: I let him use my portable phone charger.  
Unknown: A man owes one life.

一

BeardedStag: Hey Loras?  
UKnowUWantMe: ren?  
BeardedStag: I have to tell you something.  
UKnowUWantMe: ...k…  
BeardedStag: When I was a teen, I had a big crush on Jaime Lannister.  
UKnowUWantMe: ...oh…  
UKnowUWantMe: me2  
BeardedStag: Really??  
UKnowUWantMe: i even wrote stories abt him  
BeardedStag: Me too!  
UKnowUWantMe: we should share w ech other  
BeardedStag: Gods, I love you Loras.  
UKnowUWantMe: me2 baby, me 2  
BeardedStag: Skype?  
UKnowUWantMe: alrdy there

一

SexontheSand: So your father is making you co-owner?  
IronIslandsBattleBabe: Yep. He has a computer virus. Every time he tries to log into WhisperWeb or the League site, he gets a graphic of a semi-truck coming at him with an animated Doran Martell at the wheel. He can't do anything.  
SexontheSand: An animated Doran? Really?  
IronIslandsBattleBabe: Cartoon Doran has more energy than live Doran has ever had.  
SexontheSand: You’re probably right. In fact, Doran no longer wants to play fantasy football and Oberyn has asked me to be his co-owner.  
IronIslandsBattleBabe: *fist bump*  
SexontheSand: We succeeded, there is nothing a woman cannot do.  
IronIslandsBattleBabe: No offense, Ell, but I am going to take you down next season.  
SexontheSand: I think we both enjoy going down.  
IronIslandsBattleBabe: Good point.

一

MrsYoungWolf: They are going to what?  
RedHeadedMother: *sigh*  
RedHeadedMother: Since they didn’t win the League, they are going to shave, then go out to the lake, strip down to nothing and jump in.  
MrsYoungWolf: What? Cat, it’s freezing.  
RedHeadedMother: Yes, and they’ll probably get hypothermia. And the lake water isn’t particularly clean.  
MrsYoungWolf: Ugh.  
RedHeadedMother: Exactly.  
MrsYoungWolf: They do this every year?  
RedHeadedMother: Well, Ned won once, when he managed a team with Brandon, but since then, every year.  
MrsYoungWolf: How do you put up with this?  
RedHeadedMother: I make him hose down in the garage before coming in the house.  
MrsYoungWolf: Thanks for the advice.  
RedHeadedMother: I’m always here for you. How is my future grandchild today?  
MrsYoungWolf: Oh, well, I started rubbing that lotion into my belly like you said.  
RedHeadedMother: Best for stretchmarks.  
MrsYoungWolf: Without you, I wouldn’t have known.  
RedHeadedMother: I’m here for you, Jeyne.

一

YoungWolf: dad, r balls r going 2 freeze  
WardenWolf: they do every year  
YoungWolf: cant we skip it, just this once?  
WardenWolf: woudln’t be honorable, he who loses at fantasy football, freezes his nuts  
YoungWolf: ur right, honor is important  
WardenWolf: proud of u son

一

FertileNonagenarian: *snore*

一

ChampionRower: srly?  
Needler: i ahve that much confdence n the Pack  
ChampionRower: if the pack dont win the super bowl, u’ll wear a dress and learn 2 row w me?  
Needler: yep! packs taking it all  
Needler: panthers, cards, cowboys, lions  
Needler: all on the pack take down list ive been sayin evry night  
ChampionRower: what about the seahawks?  
Needler: crap! seahawks!! i forgot them on my list!!!  
ChampionRower: ull really like rowing

一

Bronn4Sale: heh i win  
URallAssholes: we don’t know 4 sure yet  
LadyRose: Don’t know what?  
Bronn4Sale: we bet that jamie and brienne would be engaged by end of season, they aren’t i win  
LadyRose: All this time, you’ve been pushing them together for a bet?  
URallAssholes: and to add height 2 the family tree  
LadyRose: That’s devious.  
URallAssholes: i know  
LadyRose: I like it.  
URallAssholes: know tht 2  
Bronn4Sale: heh

[IronIslandsBattleBabe has joined the conversation.]

URallAssholes: no 1 has talked 2 jb this morning  
Bronn4Sale: sup yarsha girl?  
IronIslandsBattleBabe: Bronn, we’re fucking. You don’t need to chat me up. You just need to buy me dinner.  
Bronn4Sale: cooking is cheaper….  
URallAssholes: u seen brie this morning, yarsha?  
IronIslandsBattleBabe: Not yet, why?  
LadyRose: They made a bet about Jaime and Brienne being engaged by the end of the fantasy football season.  
IronIslandsBattleBabe: Bronn, why didn’t you tell me? I’d have liked to have gotten in on that action.  
Bronn4Sale: gods, ur hot

一

BAMFLannister: My apologies Olenna, all of our computers went down last night. I’ve not been able to log into the message board.  
BeenThereDoneThatQueen: ...I’d assume you were lying, but we had some computer issues as well.  
BAMFLannister: Apparently, Spider Solitaire is a Blackfyre virus program and it has enabled someone to observe our chat conversations.  
BeenThereDoneThatQueen: Ours was a Faith Militant virus. Garlan used Gallant software to restore from a complete backup.  
BAMFLannsiter: Gerion was able to eradicate the virus with his BrightRoar program.  
BeenThereDoneThatQueen: Oh, nicely done.  
BAMFLannister: We did lose all of Kevan’s account information in the process.  
BeenThereDoneThatQueen: Poor Kevan. Now about our bet…  
BAMFLannister: You mean that delectable black teddy? Are you wearing it now?  
BeenThereDoneThatQueen: Tywin Lannister. Are you trying to distract me with cybersex?  
BAMFLannister: Perhaps. Is it working?  
BeenThereDoneThatQueen: Keep going.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies, I left a bit out of this chapter and have added it, so if you re-read and wonder how you missed it, you didn't. I'm an idiot.


	11. Post Championship, Monday Afternoon, Part 1.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The second to the last chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made big mistake in the last chapter and forgot to include a bit. I am so so sorry. I have edited that chapter to add it and I have included it as the first comment here. It's not a fatal error, just a wrap up piece that got left behind. My apologies.

**Monday Afternoon**

LadyRose: Where is Brienne today?  
KissedByFire: She didn’t have to drive all night to get back home.  
MrsYoungWolf: The drive wasn’t so bad, Cat did most of it.  
KissedByFire: Sam and Gilly canoodled the whole way.  
IronIslandsBattleBabe: Good for them.  
SexontheSand: Still the lovely Brienne. Perhaps she is, once again, naked and on display in Jaime’s bathroom.  
LadyRose: That was so damn hot.  
MrsYoungWolf: I bet Jaime is doing something romantic.  
LadyRose: She just logged in.

[WarriorMaiden has joined the conversation.]

WarriorMaiden: !#%^&%^&%$@!!!!!%^^$&%^&^&*%&^(&*(*^%%!!  
LadyRose: Is your keyboard broken?  
IronIslandsBattleBabe: Do you have the same virus dad does?  
WarriorMaiden: JAIME AND I ARE ENGAGED!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
MrsYoungWolf: Oh Brienne. Congratulations! Tell me about the proposal? How romantic was it?  
IronIslandsBattleBabe: Congrats. I knew I should have gotten in on that bet.  
SexontheSand: Marriage is so conventional.  
KissedByFire: I've decided just to tell Jon we're getting married when I'm ready.  
LadyRose: Okay, Brienne, give us the entire story, in chronological order. And not with us having to drag the information out of you.  
WarriorMaiden: Okay.  
WarriorMaiden: Well, last night I won the fantasy football league!!!  
MrsYoungWolf: Who cares?  
IronIslandsBattleBabe: I do. Congrats on that!  
WarriorMaiden: I beat Jaime to win and we had a bet on it.  
LadyRose: Do not tell me you're getting married because of a bet.  
WarriorMaiden: Well, kind of, but no. Do you want this in order or not?  
LadyRose: Fine. Go on.  
WarriorMaiden: On drive home, he was pretty quiet and I thought it was just about losing, so I was, you know, rubbing it in a little.  
IronIslandsBattleBabe: As you should.  
KissedByFire: Handjob in the car?  
WarriorMaiden: NO! We got into a fight.  
KissedByFire: Of course you did.  
WarriorMaiden: And we'd had a bet on the matchup.  
LadyRose: A sex bet?  
WarriorMaiden: No. The bet was that the loser had to answer one question for the winner, completely honestly, without exaggerating or deflecting.  
IronIslandsBattleBabe: Because the best way to achieve open and honest communication is through fantasy football bets.  
WarriorMaiden: Anyway. So we were arguing in the car and he said I should go ahead and ask my question since I sort of messed up his plan by winning.  
WarriorMaiden: I told him I hadn't messed up anything and to shut up and that I was better at fantasy football.  
WarriorMaiden: And then I asked him my question.  
KissedByFire: Which was?  
MrsYoungWolf: Somehow this is not as sweet as I thought it would be.  
WarriorMaiden: I asked him to tell me honestly if he really loves me.  
IronIslandsBattleBabe: Gods, you're dumb.  
WarriorMaiden: I am not.  
LadyRose: And he said he loves you?  
WarriorMaiden: NO!  
IronIslandsBattleBabe: I'm back to beating his ass.  
WarriorMaiden: I already did that. But wait, in order.  
WarriorMaiden: He laughed at me. Like laughed until he was crying laughing. So I punched him.  
KissedByFire: Seems an appropriate response.  
WarriorMaiden: Actually that was bad because he was driving and he sideswiped a parked car.  
MrsYoungWolf: So not sweet.  
WarriorMaiden: I made him stop and leave a note. I hope that person got it.  
WarriorMaiden: Anyway. I told him to take me home and he said I needed to shut up and get in the car.  
LadyRose: I just...cannot even...  
WarriorMaiden: And instead of taking me home, he took me back to his place and we had an argument about what was home and what wasn't.  
IronIslandsBattleBabe: I should make tally marks for each different argument.  
WarriorMaiden: And then he called me stupid and I refused to get out of the car.  
MrsYoungWolf: So. Not. Romantic.  
WarriorMaiden: He opened the car door and pulled me out and picked me up over his shoulder.  
WarriorMaiden: I kind of let him do that though because I wanted to make sure he iced his eye. It was starting to swell. It looks awful today. I feel terrible about that.  
MrsYoungWolf: Fireman carry? That could be hot.  
KissedByFire: It's hot when Jon takes charge.  
SexontheSand: Since when does Jon take charge?  
WarriorMaiden: It kind of hurt my stomach. His shoulder is pointy. Anyway when we got inside, he had his place all decorated with blue flowers and candles and balloons then...  
MrsYoungWolf: Getting romantic...  
WarriorMaiden: He dumped me on the couch and yelled at me that his question for me if he'd won would be to ask me to marry him.  
WarriorMaiden: Then he called me a stupid stubborn wench and that if I didn't know he loved me by now it might be hopeless and he grabbed that jewelry box and gave it to me and said, "So are you going to marry me or not?"  
MrsYoungWolf: And the romance meter is back to zero.  
KissedByFire: I kind of like it.  
IronIslandsBattleBabe: ...me too.  
LadyRose: And you said?  
WarriorMaiden: Nothing. I mean. I was shocked.  
MrsYoungWolf: And then did he drop to one knee?  
WarriorMaiden: No. He got a bag of frozen peas for his eye and told me to curse him or kiss him, just something.  
KissedByFire: Okay...  
WarriorMaiden: So I said yes.  
IronIslandsBattleBabe: Least romantic proposal ever.  
SexontheSand: Yet somehow completely appropriate.  
MrsYoungWolf: The ring?  
WarriorMaiden: Not a ring, a necklace. Sapphires. It's so beautiful. It's perfect. It’s so pretty it makes me feel pretty. He had it specially designed for me.  
LadyRose: Do not tell me it's shaped like a paperclip?  
WarriorMaiden: …  
LadyRose: Brienne?  
WarriorMaiden: ...uhm….  
LadyRose: Oh gods, did he get you the world's most expensive PAPERCLIP NECKLACE?  
WarriorMaiden: HA. No. But it was funny making you think so.  
IronIslandsBattleBabe: Did Brienne Tarth just burn you, Marg?  
LadyRose: HRMPH. Then what?  
WarriorMaiden: We talked, a lot. I mean, about when we first started dating and how long we liked each other and what we liked best about each other. That kind of stuff.  
KissedByFire: Did you actually admit your feelings? Really?  
WarriorMaiden: I did! I mean, it was a little nerve-wracking, but I did it. It wasn’t that hard once I started. Except you know, the touching stuff is always distracting.  
SexontheSand: Touching stuff?  
WarriorMaiden: You know, how when you talk and you touch at the same time. Like he’ll kiss my wrist or I’ll play with his beard. That kind of thing.  
MrsYoungWolf: That IS romantic.  
SexontheSand: It is a very nice beard, very sexy. Does it smell of you this morning?  
WarriorMaiden: Gods, Ell!  
KissedByFire: It does, doesn’t it?  
WarriorMaiden: I am not discussing this.  
IronIslandsBattleBabe: Uh huh. We’ll pry it out of you later.  
WarriorMaiden: No. Shut up. ...Probably.  
LadyRose: We need to work on wedding planning. When is the date?  
WarriorMaiden: Oh he wants to live together right away and his place is bigger, so I’m going to move in in the next month or so. We decided on a long engagement. Living together for a while will really give us a chance to know each other.  
IronIslandsBattleBabe: In in? There should be a better way to say that.  
LadyRose: Shut it, Stannis.  
MrsYoungWolf: As long as it's after I have the baby. I don't want to be pregnant at the wedding.  
WarriorMaiden: You're definitely safe with that Jeyne.  
KissedByFire: *rolls eyes*  
IronIslandsBattleBabe: I'd say Jaime knows you quite well, Brienne. Wouldn't you agree, Margaery?  
LadyRose: Shut up.

一

URallAssholes: ur whislting again and u have a black eye  
Kingslayer: I am. Brienne punched me.  
URallAssholes: of course she did  
URallAssholes: not j giels  
Kingslayer: Nope.  
URallAssholes: is that "going to the chapel"  
Kingslayer: And I'm gonna get married...  
URallAssholes: good going bro!  
Kingslayer: She said yes.  
URallAssholes: she punched u first?  
Kingslayer: Yes. Stubborn, obstinate, pig-headed woman.  
URallAssholes: those all mean the same thing u know  
Kingslayer: Is there some Stannis virus going around too? Everyone correcting grammar?  
URallAssholes: fuck u  
Kingslayer: So, you’re my best man, right?  
URallAssholes: honored bro  
URallAssholes: so exactly when did u propose, was it before or after she won the league trophy?  
Kingslayer: Last night when we got home. Stannis didn’t send the official email until this morning because of the computer virus issue.  
URallAssholes: YES! ill be the LORD of tits and wine  
Kingslayer: I don’t want a stripper at my bachelor party, Tyrion. Brienne is the only woman for me.  
URallAssholes: uh...'kay, not about that dude  
Kingslayer: Okay then.  
URallAssholes: so when is the wedding?  
Kingslayer: We decided she’s moving in today but we’ll wait a while before we get married. I mean, we need enough time for her friends to get here from Winterfell and her Dad to get here from Tarth.  
Kingslayer: Time to buy flowers and stuff. Probably the Saturday before the Super Bowl? She can just have one of our wedding pics her sitting on the Iron Throne and it’ll show that jackass Theon Fucking Greyjoy. Comfort sex my left nut. I’m going to punch him.  
Kingslayer: Anyway we are already going away for a holiday in the Summer Isles after. It'll be our honeymoon. I'll send Peck an email to get started on it.  
URallAssholes: in a month and a half, dude?  
Kingslayer: I wanted to do it today, but we decided on a long engagement.  
URallAssholes: u told Father yet?  
Kingslayer: I've been avoiding him since we didn't win. She called her dad last night.

[BAMFLannister has joined the conversation.]

URallAssholes: speak of the Stranger  
BAMFLannister: Jaime.  
Kingslayer: Father?  
BAMFLannister: You allowed your young woman to beat you in fantasy football.  
Kingslayer: I wouldn't say allowed. It just happened.  
BAMFLannister: You should not leave these things to chance.  
Kingslayer: What was I suppose to do? Steal her phone so she couldn't set her lineup?  
BAMFLannister: I see your defense only scored 4.00 points. Tyrion, that was clearly a drafting issue.  
URallAssholes: we win, j gets credit, we lose and it's my fault  
Kingslayer: These things just happen sometimes. It's no big deal.  
BAMFLannister: NO BIG DEAL?  
URallAssholes: tell him the big news, j  
BAMFLannister: There is no other "big news" Tyrion.  
Kingslayer: Brienne and I are getting married.  
BAMFLannister: I am already aware.  
URallAssholes: how did u know b4 I did  
BAMFLannister: I have my sources. The only saving grace to this loss is that Brienne will no longer be able to compete against you in fantasy football.  
Kingslayer: Why not?  
BAMFLannister: She'll be a Lannister. She will, of course, not compete against other Lannisters.  
URallAssholes: thats not gonna go over well

一

KissedByFire: I was thinking...  
IKnowALittleSomething: u want 2 get married?  
KissedByFire: What?  
IKnowALittleSomething: sam and gilly, jaime ad brie, me and you?  
KissedByFire: No. ...Not yet.  
IKnowALittleSomething: jes tell me when, ygs, i love u  
KissedByFire: I was actually thinking, maybe...we could make our own movie.

[iluvgilly has joined the conversation.]

IKnowALittleSomething: u want 2 make a porn?  
iluvgilly: u know, i'm just going 2 pretend i din't see that

[iluvgilly has left the conversation.]

KissedByFire: Yeah...if you want.  
IKnowALittleSomething: u do that 4 me?  
KissedByFire: I love you, Jon Snow. You should at least know that by now.

[IKnowALittleSomething has changed his nickname to IKnowMoreThanALittleSomething.]

一

RedHeadedMother: Well, Brienne, I’m happy for you if this is what you really want.  
WarriorMaiden: It is. It really really is.  
RedHeadedMother: I mean, Jaime Lannister. I feel like I pushed you towards him, got you into this League, set you off on this journey with him.  
Needler: jaime is da bomb  
PerfectPrincess: a wedding! so excited, will pod be there?  
Needler: gendry can b my date  
PerfectPrincess: maybe gendry won’t be invited  
RedHeadedMother: Of course he will. Gendry is family.  
WarriorMaiden: I like Gendry a lot. And Pod too. They’ll both be invited.  
Needler: not wearing a dress!  
PerfectPrincess: mom! make arya wear a dress!  
Needler: shut it sansa  
RedHeadedMother: Not now girls.  
RedHeadedMother: I wouldn’t have chosen Jaime for you, Brienne. A Lannister...  
WarriorMaiden: Catelyn, if there’s one thing I’ve learned from Jaime, it’s that we don’t get to choose who we love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Endings are hard. I'm starting to miss you all already. Last chapter goes up tomorrow around noon EST.


	12. Post Championship, Monday Afternoon, Part 2.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Final Chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hitting post on this is suddenly becoming difficult.

**Monday Afternoon**

URallAssholes: tall chick, my future sister in law  
WarriorMaiden: YES!  
WarriorMaiden: Wait. Does this mean you won some stupid bet with Bronn?  
URallAssholes: u gonna b pissed if i say yes?  
WarriorMaiden: I’m in too good of a mood today, but don’t you dare bet on my life again, little man.  
URallAssholes: heh  
WarriorMaiden: I will crush you.  
URAllAssholes: lannistrs don't crush lannisters  
WarriorMaiden: I'm a Tarth.  
URallAssholes: 4now  
WarriorMaiden: What did you win?

[URallAssholes has invited Bronn4Sale to the conversation.]  
[Bronn4Sale has joined the conversation.]

Bronn4Sale: ready to pay up little man?  
URallAssholes: so, sis in law, share ur news  
WarriorMaiden: Jaime and I are engaged!!!@#$%^&*  
Bronn4Sale: as of..when?  
WarriorMaiden: Last night!! I’m going to go so I’m not tempted to find the two of you and pound you into the dirt.  
URallAssholes: heh

[WarriorMaiden has left the conversation.]  
[URallAssholes has invited CommissionByRight to the conversation.]  
[CommissionerByRight has joined the conversation.]

CommissionerByRight: Tyrion?  
URallAssholes: yo, stanny, when was the league chamtionship final  
CommissionerByRight: I certified the results this morning.  
URallAssholes: :)  
Bronn4Sale: fuck u!  
URallAssholes: fuck u what?  
Bronn4Sale: fuck u lord tyrion

一

BAMFLannister: I have hopes that I will have Lannister grandchildren within the next year.  
Evenstar: You think they’ll be Lannisters?  
BAMFLannister: Of course. Brienne will certainly change her surname.  
Evenstar: Have you even met my daughter?  
BAMFLannister: …  
Evenstar: …

一

URallAssholes: marriage, eh?  
LadyRose: It seems right for them. Though I wouldn't have thought it of Jaime, they both seem the settle down forever type.  
URallAssholes: my bro is a 1 woman man  
LadyRose: ...is that a family trait?  
URallAssholes: would u like it 2b?  
LadyRose: Why don't we discuss that in person?  
URallAssholes: sounds good 2 me, u going 2b free any night 4 the next month, with the wedding planning?  
LadyRose: Brienne and Jaime haven't even set a date yet. There is plenty of time for that. They aren't getting married until some time late next year.  
URallAssholes: ...he said they were getting married the sat b4 the super bowl...  
LadyRose: You mean January 31th, 2015? In less than six weeks????  
URallAssholes: ...yeah?  
LadyRose: She thinks they are having a long engagement.  
URallAssholes: he thinks that is a long engagmnt  
LadyRose: Bwhahahahahhahhahahahahhahahahah.

一

CommissionerByRight: I’ve been thinking about something, Davos.  
FingerfewerHand: Buying something new from extremerestraints.com?  
CommissionerByRight: …  
FingerfewerHand: I’m doing a little online shopping right now.  
CommissionberByRight: Davos. I am at work. That is terribly distracting.  
FingerfewerHand: Be good, Stannis.  
CommissionerByRight: Yes, Sir.  
CommissionerByRight: I was actually thinking about fantasy baseball. You are a big Giants fan. It’s something we could do together.  
FingerfewerHand: Stannis, I love the Giants, but we don’t need any more fantasy sports. And we've finally gotten your blood pressure under control.  
CommissionerByRight: Are you certain?  
FingerfewerHand: As certain as my love for you.

一

[WarriorMaiden has joined the conversation.]

WarriorMaiden: hihi  
Kingslayer: ?  
WarriorMaiden: That’s the first thing you said to me in chat.  
Kingslayer: I know that, wench. I didn’t think you remembered.  
Kingslayer: My sappy, lovely wife.  
WarriorMaiden: I’m not sappy or lovely and we aren’t married.  
Kingslayer: Yet.  
Kingslayer: So how did the ladies take the news?  
WarriorMaiden: Catelyn warned me against you, but wanted to know if we are going to run a joint fantasy football team. I told her no.  
Kingslayer: ...  
WarriorMaiden: Walda thinks it's sweet. Sam wants to make sure our wedding date doesn't conflict with his, but he was really happy. Arya wants to know if you’ll pay her to hold your coat at the wedding. Sansa wants to know our colors.  
WarriorMaiden: Marg was unsurprised, Ell is anti-monogamy, Yarsha and Ygritte both send congratulations.  
WarriorMaiden: Jeyne doesn’t think you’re romantic enough.  
Kingslayer: I am incredibly romantic. There was candlelight and flowers and champagne and a hot air balloon if you wanted it.  
WarriorMaiden: Seriously?  
Kingslayer: And there was supposed to be a singing bear playing an accordian, but I didn’t get a chance to make the call.  
WarriorMaiden: You found a bear that could sing and play the accordian?  
Kingslayer: Not exactly.  
WarriorMaiden: Jaime?  
Kingslayer: Brienne?  
WarriorMaiden: Did you make Podrick dress up in a bear costume?  
Kingslayer: He has a shockingly good voice. No stutter at all.  
WarriorMaiden: And learn to play the accordian?  
Kingslayer: It’s important to know how to play a musical instrument.  
WarriorMaiden: Gods, Jaime. What was he going to sing?  
Kingslayer: I hadn’t decided yet.  
WarriorMaiden: There were options?  
Kingslayer: Five.  
WarriorMaiden: You made him learn five songs? That’s so mean.  
WarriorMaiden: ...What were they?  
Kingslayer: Are you going to tell Jeyne I’m terribly romantic?  
WarriorMaiden: Depends on the songs.  
Kingslayer: Cheeky wench.  
Kingslayer: Happy by Bruce Springsteen, but Bruce wasn’t available and I didn’t think you’d like Pod’s version.  
WarriorMaiden: You tried to hire Bruce Springsteen?  
Kingslayer: He’s your favorite. Tyrion didn’t think that was a good idea.  
WarriorMaiden: It really wasn’t. Option 2?  
Kingslayer: That Ed Sheeran song, Thinking Out Loud.  
WarriorMaiden: That is grossly sappy.  
Kingslayer: Pod's idea. He says Sansa likes the dancing in the video.  
WarriorMaiden: That’s so not me.  
Kingslayer: That’s what I said. Option 3 was to have him hold a boom box, wear a trench coat and play that Peter Gabriel song.  
WarriorMaiden: In Your Eyes?  
Kingslayer: Because you have astonishing eyes.  
WarriorMaiden: That’s terrible and cheesy, Jaime.  
Kingslayer: Would you have liked The Bear and the Maiden Fair better?  
WarriorMaiden: Tell me that wasn’t one of the options?  
Kingslayer: Okay, then there were only four.  
WarriorMaiden: Gods, Jaime.  
Kingslayer: Elvis.  
WarriorMaiden: Love Me Tender?  
Kingslayer: Ugh, no. Lame. I Can’t Help Falling in Love With You.  
Kingslayer: I got this idea about changing words to songs to make them more special and personal.  
Kingslayer: He was going to sing it "Wise men say only fools jump unarmed into bearpits."  
WarriorMaiden: *rolls eyes* Fool is right.  
Kingslayer: Hey, I could have made him learn CandyLicker.  
WarriorMaiden: Really, Jaime? REALLY?  
Kingslayer: Nah, our real song is Don’t Go Breaking My Heart but your dad talked me out of singing karaoke and proposing that way.  
WarriorMaiden: You talked to my dad?  
Kingslayer: Of course. I had to get his approval.  
WarriorMaiden: You asked my father permission? Like I’m chattel or something??  
Kingslayer: Now hold up here. Look at it from my point of view.  
Kingslayer: Your father will crush me if I ever hurt you.  
Kingslayer: You, weirdly, love and respect your father.  
Kingslayer: If I didn’t go to him first, I’d start out seeming disrespectful. I was stuck between a rock and a hard hitting college safety.  
WarriorMaiden: …  
Kingslayer: Stop huffing at me and uncross your arms.  
WarriorMaiden: Did you secretly install a cam in my office?  
Kingslayer: No. But I should. I had to talk to him first, Brienne.  
WarriorMaiden: ...I know. But know that the decision is mine alone.  
Kingslayer: That’s what he said. That it was up to you, but that he didn’t find me completely objectionable and that I was less of an idiot than he’d first assumed.  
WarriorMaiden: You’re a complete idiot.  
Kingslayer: But I’m your idiot. ;)  
WarriorMaiden: …  
Kingslayer: You have to agree with me now.  
WarriorMaiden: I do not.  
Kingslayer: It’s wifely.  
WarriorMaiden: Do not start.  
Kinglayer: Love. Honor. OBEY.  
WarriorMaiden: Never going to happen.  
Kingslayer: I suppose I’ll just suffer through. For you.  
WarriorMaiden: Jaime?  
Kingslayer: Brienne?  
WarriorMaiden: You never really answered my question last night. So I get another one. Why do you love me?  
Kingslayer: Brienne. You stupid woman.  
Kingslayer: How do I explain this?

[Kingslayer has invited SharkReek to the conversation.]  
[SharkReek has joined the conversation.]

SharkReek: did u really invite me? 2chat w u?  
SharkReek: :):):)  
Kingslayer: Theon, why do you love tits?  
WarriorMaiden: Seriously, Jaime?  
SharkReek: huh...i dunno  
SharkReek: uh...well, i gues cause theyre tits  
Kingslayer: Exactly. Now get out.  
SharkReek: TITS!

[SharkReek has left the conversation.]

Kingslayer: I love you for the same reason Theon loves tits.  
Kingslayer: I love you because you’re Brienne.  
WarriorMaiden: That’s ridiculous.  
Kingslayer: Why do you love me?  
WarriorMaiden: I…  
Kingslayer: Look, I know I’m completely amazing. Great hair. Perfect skin. Brilliant, funny. Muscular thighs. Strong hands. Nice teeth. Incredible at fantasy football. Spectacular in the sack.  
WarriorMaiden: Not to mention modest.  
Kingslayer: Exactly. But would you love me if I went bald or had my hand cut off?  
WarriorMaiden: Of course. I mean. I don’t love you for your looks. I love you for your Jaimeness.  
Kingslayer: Wait. Hold up.  
Kingslayer: Brienne Tarth Soon-To-Be-Lannister, did you just say it?  
Kingslayer: In chat?  
WarriorMaiden: Shut up, idiot. And I’m not changing my name. What’s wrong with Jaime Tarth?  
Kingslayer: I like the sound of Brienne Lannister better.  
WarriorMaiden: I don’t.  
Kingslayer: You know what sound I like best though?  
WarriorMaiden: The sound of your own voice?  
Kingslayer: The sound of your voice when you say you love me. Call me and say it now.  
WarriorMaiden: You are such a pain. FINE. I’m calling.  
Kingslayer: We are so having phonesex, wench.  
WarriorMaiden: Are not, idiot.  
Kingslayer: Yes.  
WarriorMaiden: No.  
Kingslayer: Yes.  
WarriorMaiden: ….maybe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is where I thank people.
> 
> [Vana](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Vana/pseuds/Vana/works) has been such a source of inspiration and assistance. She writes the (more than) occasional side convo and answers questions like, “Does Stannis spit or swallow?” Thank you, Vana. (Also thanks for beta-ing 8K words on the fly last night.)
> 
> Thanks to [tafkar](http://archiveofourown.org/users/tafkar/pseuds/tafkar), [InkandType](http://archiveofourown.org/users/InkandType/pseuds/InkandType), [QuizzicalQuinnia](http://archiveofourown.org/users/QuizzicalQuinnia/pseuds/QuizzicalQuinnia) and [JustAGirl24](http://archiveofourown.org/users/JustAGirl24/pseuds/JustAGirl24/works) for the beta and the titbombs and the ideas and the love.
> 
> Thanks to [CommaSplice](http://archiveofourown.org/users/CommaSplice/pseuds/CommaSplice/works) for her wonderful [Westerosi Internet](http://archiveofourown.org/series/48797) series which made me believe a fic like this would be possible.
> 
> Thanks to [MotherofFirkins](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MotherofFirkins/pseuds/MotherofFirkins) for making the fandom fun and listening to my rantiness, and making me love the green plaid shirt.
> 
> Thanks to [downlookingup](http://archiveofourown.org/users/downlookingup/pseuds/downlookingup) for being so damn insightful and reasonable and giving me angst that I (secretly) love.
> 
> Thank you to the ladies (and occasional gentleman) in chat. I’m certain I have stolen ideas from so many of you. I’ve tried to give credit, but I’m certain I’ve failed. Thank you and I owe you all so much.
> 
> Thank you to the artists and the writers and the lovers of this fandom. The creativity and talent is overwhelming.
> 
> And thank you to the people who have read and commented, I would list you all but this is long enough already.
> 
> This became an exercise in interactive writing. I even changed some plot points. The original writer of wrapups was to be Ilyn Payne, but you voted Varys and a Spider Solitaire virus program was born. And I think it turned out better. I have loved and appreciated and tried to use all of your prompts.
> 
> There was a lot in this fic I had intended to do and some of it got away from me. I’m sorry for that. If I could write it all again..well, it would probably be three times as long.
> 
> I hope I’ve made you laugh. I hope I brought a little levity to your day. You’ve certainly brought joy to mine.
> 
> Thank you.
> 
> Valar Footballis.
> 
> ikkiM/Mikki


End file.
